Harry Potter and the Paradox of Being
by Yih
Summary: [Slash: HPxSS, and some HPxDM] Part 3 of the PARADOX SERIES. Thrown into another universe for 9 years, Harry Potter is back in his own world prepared to start where he left off by stopping Voldemort once and for all.
1. The Start

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING**  
by _Yih_

* * *

**Beta'd:** Blackumbrage (formerly Blackumbridge), it's her AIM too ;p.  

**Important Note:** Background information about Harry Potter's (i.e. Professor Sebastian Biggerstaff) 9 years in the AU are available in the first two parts of the Paradox series: Harry Potter and the Mirror of Paradox and Harry Potter and the Extent of Existence. I would heavily suggest reading at least the _Mirror of Paradox_ (info. on Sahar and the history of Sebastian Biggerstaff) and the last chapter of the _Extent of Existence_ (relates the paradox history that Harry's determined to change) to get a full clue of what's going on. This can be read as a **standalone**, but since the background story is available… why don't you read it?  A major change in this… this will feature both HP/DM and HP/SS.  

**Part 1:** Harry Potter and the Mirror of Paradox (complete)--- beta'd by Serra and Blackumbrage  
**Part 2:** Harry Potter and the Extent of Existent (incomplete)--- beta'd by Blackumbrage

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Part 3 of the Paradox Series 

Chapter 1: **The Start**

**BOOKS** were thrown into bags. Parchments were grabbed and tucked underneath arms. Feet slipped into shoes as they swung their book bags over their shoulders and started running frantically toward the class they were in the dreadful predilection of being tardy for. If there was one class that they _should not_ be late for--- it was **this** one. 

"I told you," she gasped and grumbled down the long hallway at a run, "and told you several times… not to…. put off Professor Biggerstaff's assignments! They take more… more than… lunch break to finish, Ron Weasley!" 

"I know, I know!" he shouted then sucked in a needy breath. "Bloody hell, I know that!" 

"Then why didn't you do it earlier then?!" she cried out. "Now we're going to be late… and it's all your fault!"

Ron scowled and would have made a retort except they had arrived in front of the classroom not only with a need to fill their lungs with oxygen but also to the presence of a frowning Professor Biggerstaff. Bugger, Ron thought bleakly. He'd already gotten a detention earlier this week for turning in 'shoddy' homework. That'd been the main reason behind borrowing Hermione's work today, so that he'd not get himself landed with Filch again for not doing a good job on his homework! Sod it! It was only homework! _And_ trying to avoid getting a detention might actually land him another one. Grrr!

It wasn't like this bloody class was important anyhow, he thought bitterly. For crying out loud, it was a class on medimagic! What practical use was this to wizards or even witches that in all likelihood would not be going into the field of mediwizardry? And of course, Hermione being who she was insisted on taking the hellish class and he'd been snapped along with her under the foolish hope that a new Professor would mean easy markings. No such lovely luck.

"Tardy again, Weasley?" their Professor queried with a wry though displeased edge. Ron nodded his head stiffly. Biggerstaff's eyes soon shifted away from the redhead and landed instead on Hermione. "Granger, I would expect better from you as you are the Head Girl. As the Head Girl, you're suppose to set an example to other students. Running down the hallways and arriving late to class is not what I consider exemplary behavior." 

She flushed a cherry red. "I realize that, sir." 

"No detention this time," Biggerstaff murmured, "but points will have to be taken. I'd say 5 for each of you would be fair." He raised his eyebrow as if daring them to challenge him. They knew better than to. It was reasonable for him to take points. It was would be unfair to others if he didn't. "No complaints? Then stop standing there doing nothing. There's a lot of material we have to cover today and you two have wasted enough of my time." 

Ron waited. He waited until Professor Biggerstaff was out of earshot before he cursed softly, "What a prick. What a sodding prick! I almost prefer Snape, the greasy git, to that prickly arse."

"He's fair," Hermione whispered back without the least bit of rancor. "He's definitely not a prick. What do you have against him?" 

Before Ron could even dare to answer her, they both jumped when they heard their Professor's voice carry from inside the classroom: "Are you two coming in or do I have to take more points off from you to discourage you from interrupting my class again?" 

They scrambled into the room, not bothering to say anything more to each other. They had already lost enough points as it was. And not only that, they were guaranteed to lose more points through the lesson. If only Biggerstaff would call on Hermione, then they stood a chance of not coming out with a deficit of points. But no, the sadistic prick never chose Hermione because he knew that she knew the material. No, he always called on the students that were in suspect of reading the material--- like him. 

It wasn't the calling on him that grated his nerves; it was that the fucking Professor took off points if he got the answer wrong! Just his luck that Hermione thought it was a brilliant motivational skill. It also meant that everyone learned to do the work and made sure to comprehend it. It wasn't enough to read the bloody stuff, _they _had to understand it too! Then what the hell was a Professor for?!

"Since Weasley has deemed us worthy of his presence," Biggerstaff began caustically, amused smiles appearing on the Slytherin half of the room, "perhaps he'd like to deem us with the answer to the Question of the Day?"

Ron gritted his teeth together. This was a deliberate provocation. He didn't know how much more of it he could stand. It was getting to the point he almost hated it more than Potions. He didn't think he could ever almost despise a class more than Potions. He simply didn't understand why Professor Biggerstaff picked on him. It didn't help either that Hermione sympathized with the git! 

The nerve of her to even _think_ to suggest that it was his fault! Not every student was like her, reading up 'til the late hours of the night for the sole reason to impress a gitty Professor with her knowledge of his chosen field of expertise! If he didn't know better, he would think that Hermione had a crush on Professor Biggerstaff. But she didn't--- she couldn't. It was unthinkable! She was _his_ girlfriend, and besides… it was improper and Hermione, if she was anything besides a brain, she was proper. 

Proper and pushy, he reflected resentfully as he rubbed his sore side where Hermione's elbow had jabbed him hard. "If you would like me to," he muttered, "I will, but I can assure you that others will be able to answer you more thoroughly than I will." 

Professor Biggerstaff's eyes were not cold like Snape's but nor were they illuminating with warmth like the Headmaster's. His eyes were intense though. Deep and thoughtful and overpowering. Ron hated looking into Biggerstaff's eyes, if he could help it. But he couldn't look away, not when the Professor was speaking to him--- especially if he didn't want to lose anymore points than he'd already lost for Gryffindor. 

"It seems Weasley has failed to do the reading again for the class," Biggerstaff stated lightly. "What does this make it? The third time in a week? Whatever will you do, Weasley," he commented dryly, "if you never do any work? Do you expect to filch off your family or," his eyes shifted to rest on Granger, "your girlfriend for the extent of your existence?" 

A direct slap to the face. Bravo Professor!, Ron wanted to scream but he didn't. It would only cause more point loss and would only aggravate Hermione even more. For some inane reason, she liked Professor Biggerstaff. This was, which he totally didn't understand, her favorite class. She was even talking about possibly taking up an apprenticeship with Biggerstaff at the end of the term, if he would allow her to do so. Why anyone would want to spend anymore time with the strict and overly meticulous Professor was beyond him. The only option worse than Biggerstaff was Snape. 

"I did read."

"Then prove it," his Professor challenged. "Answer the question." His wand pointed to the board. "If you read, you will know it." 

The problem was he had trouble understanding what was going in the class now because he hadn't been paying attention earlier on. He had no grasp on medimagic theory. He was utterly lost, and even looking at Hermione's notes didn't do him any good. They had already gone into such deep waters that it was amazing since they'd only been taking the class for little over a semester. The amount of topics they'd covered was more than he'd ever learned in the years he'd been in Divinations, not that that class had anything to compare to Mediwizardry. 

"I didn't understand what I read!" he shouted, his cheeks flushed and burning. He could feel the Slytherins' superiority looking down on him. Hermione was right. He was too emotional. He said things that he shouldn't, like this--- saying what was on his mind before he really thought about it. Invariably, it meant that he said stupid things. 

"Good," Biggerstaff remarked, shocking almost everyone, "admitting your mistake is the first step to correcting it. That is an essential concept in medimagic. If a mediwizard or any wizard never admitted their mistakes, then how could anyone ever fix them?" 

* * *

**THE** day was done for them, Harry through ruefully, but it was far from over for him. He had a stack of essays to grade from each of his 3 classes. His upper level class would be a breeze since there were only a handful of students in it. It was his lower levels that he worried about. They weren't paying as much attention as medimagic theory required. Rubbing his temples, trying desperately to erase the headache that was threatening to force him to go down to the dungeons to get a potion from Severus. 

He drummed his fingers against his desk as he summoned his red quill into his hand. As much as he hated having to mark all over his students' essays, even Herminoe's wasn't up to standards half the time. It was going to be hard, but if he did manage to whip them all into shape--- and managed to instill in them the basis of hard work, then maybe not all would be lost. If he managed to get a few good mediwizards and mediwitches out of this, all the better. 

The first paper was Ron's. As usual, it was a messy parchment with ink stains riddled all over it. You'd think he'd take the care, considering he'd copied Hermione's work, to do a good job of copying it. But even in that, Ron failed miserably. Harry had no choice but to give him an F. Ron ought to be grateful he hadn't given him a Troll. A T would be almost impossible to make up midway through the semester with the grades Ron had already received from him. 

He sighed and moved on. This time he almost smiled when he saw Hermione's paper. It was always interesting to read what her theories where on medimagic theory. Her arguments were always well thought out, even if they weren't always right. Then again, the class he was teaching was in no way as intensive as the training regimen that Poppy had put him through for him to pass his MEDs. If he was lucky… he might have one or even two apprentices to take next year to train them exclusively for their MEDs.

Hermione, he was sure would jump at the chance. He always thought of her as more of a Transfiguration and Charms type, but it was to his pleasant surprise that she showed such a great aptitude in medimagic. With the war that was about to burst full blown, they needed all the trained mediwitches they could get. The only concern he had was that her raw power wasn't up to standard. She was a brilliant theorist, but in terms of raw ability--- she wasn't going to be one of the more powerful mediwitches. 

It was her potions ability and her natural empathy that was going to get her through the difficult MEDs, not to mention her innate persistence and penchant for not failing in anything she did. It didn't surprise him that Hermione was a better empathic than he was. Girls were naturally more inclined to that, which was why some of the best in the field of medimagic were mediwitches. But it would be a bugger if he had to wait for her majority. It probably wouldn't come for 3 years. The youngest witch he'd known was Sahar and she'd hit majority at 19. And the Hermione in his world hadn't hit majority 'til she was 22. 

But… for witches the magical growth was gradual and not quite as sudden of a switch as it was for wizards, which was why the age of majority wasn't quite as important for a witch as it was for a wizard. That was a good thing. He was hoping that Hermione might be ready when she was 20 or even when she was 19 to take the MEDs. That was what he hoped. He sighed and marked her essay an A. It wasn't her best work. Hopefully, his best student wouldn't disappoint him. 

Aww… he truly smiled as he read the excellently written essay. Always meticulous, wasn't Draco? It surprised him a bit, but not really considering what his former best friend had been in the other world--- the Head Boy. He was here too, along with Hermione as Head Girl. Some things didn't change no matter if the two worlds were totally different. But he had never once imagined the Draco of his former world ever as mediwizard. Here though, Draco was brilliant, as brilliant of a student to him as he probably had been to Poppy. 

Draco had the raw power, not as much as his own, but he more than made up for it with his empathy. If he hadn't known how deeply the Malfoys felt, then he would have laughed years ago. But he knew, he knew how deeply a Malfoy's feelings went. The only barrier to Draco was that his potions skills could use a bit of work, and Harry was sure that he could recruit Severus for it. After all, Severus wasn't Draco's godfather here for naught. 

It was with fierce pride that he marked an O on Draco's paper. As much as he missed his best friend, he wasn't unhappy with the change that this Draco was showing from the Draco he'd known. It especially made him happy, considering what a prat that he knew this Draco to be from his past experience. How a year could change a person, and… how different a person could be when treated differently.

Look at what had happened to him, Harry mused, when Sev hadn't been on his back all the time--- he'd blossomed into a Potions Master. And here Draco was turning into a brilliant mediwizard, not that it was surprising at all--- considering that Draco was the only wizard of his age over there that could match him anywhere in power. Now the only problem lie therein was how to reconcile both Draco and Hermione that he wanted and needed them both…

* * *

**HE** wanted nothing more than to become Professor Biggerstaff's apprentice. There was something about Biggerstaff that made him an excellent teacher. He drove knowledge into your head if you were receptive too it, unlike some Gryffindors, Draco thought spitefully. Ron Weasley wasted time in class by being there. Why he was, Draco had no fucking clue. Probably sniffing after his mudblood girlfriend. 

Draco shrugged away the negative thoughts about all Gryffindors in general and concentrated on being neutral to them. If there was one thing that was a huge peeve with Professor Biggerstaff, it was the House prejudices. Draco supposed that Professor Biggerstaff couldn't understand it since he hadn't gone to Hogwarts for his schooling. But whatever, he wasn't going to piss off his Professor and risk losing his chance at an apprenticeship. He knew only one person that stood in his way--- Hermione. 

She was as brilliant as he was in the class. He thought he had more natural aptitude in the practical portion than she did, but her grasp on theory was undeniable. And it didn't help him that her potions ability was far superior to his. He would need to get his godfather to work on that for him, though he didn't quite know how to go about asking Severus to help him become an apprentice to someone else. Everyone had always assumed that he would be Severus's _first_ apprentice. 

It was all Biggerstaff's fault, Draco reflected without the least bit of malice, that he happened to be so fucking gorgeous. It was definitely his Professor's fault for getting him so enraptured into mediwizardry. There was something so natural about it. When he thought about explaining it to his father, Draco felt the insane urge to curse in the four different languages that he knew how to speak. That still didn't get across the message of dread he felt. 

Malfoys had always been Dark Wizards… never in the thousands of years they had existed had a Malfoy ever been a mediwizard. It went against everything they stood for because the healing gift was inherently not a Dark Art. True being a mediwizard didn't mean you were a light wizard, look at Morgaine, but it certainly didn't favor being an evil wizard or serving a dementedly evil wizard either. 

Draco didn't understand what his father saw in serving the Dark Lord. He liked to believe that his father was only doing this because it was good for his family. But he couldn't be absolutely certain anymore. There was so much Lucius hid from him and his mother that it was tearing his mother apart. If Draco didn't know that his father loved his mother to the ends of the Earth, he would have cursed his father for hurting his mother. 

He sighed and knocked his hand strongly against the hard wooden door. He could feel the powerful wards that Professor Biggerstaff had placed on them and he waited patiently for the painting of a basilisk to alert the Professor that Draco Malfoy was waiting outside for him. Why he had come here, Draco didn't have a clue. He didn't need help in medimagic like most of the class did. He was only a point or two behind the mudblood witch… so why was he here? 

Because he wanted to get to know Professor Biggerstaff and he wanted to make his Professor see that he was the best one for the apprenticeship. Him not Hermione. She could have her pick with apprenticeships, she suited either Charms or Transfiguration, even Arithmancy or Potions. He… he knew his only chances were Potions or this… Medimagic. 

The portrait flicked his tail and the door opened, allowing Draco passage into the Professor's personal rooms. He entered with trepidation, knowing that his Professor was a very private man and he was disturbing him. But he had gone to Biggerstaff's office only to find that the Professor was gone and Biggerstaff hadn't been in the Great Hall during dinner either. He hadn't had a choice!

"You are lucky I am in a good mood today, Malfoy," Biggerstaff greeted him sharply but not unpleasantly, not unpleasantly at all as Draco took in the sight of his Professor dressed only in tight trousers that highlighted his lean body perfectly. It pleased Draco to note that Biggerstaff was not any taller than he was, and in a few more months he'd be taller than his Professor if the Malfoy genes held true. "Sit down."

Draco sat down and was all too happy to arrange his robes in such a manner that it wouldn't give away his growing erection. Damn it, why was his Professor so bloody sexy? Draco gulped and it was hard to tear his eyes away from the muscled chest that was decorated with a moderate helping of curly dark brown hair that disappeared into his trousers. Instead, Draco's eyes moved upward to admire his Professor's startlingly handsome face. 

His crooked nose only helped to make Biggerstaff's beauty more masculine and less girlish, especially with his lusciously kissable lips and high, distinctive cheekbones. Draco stifled a groan as he saw the terrible amusement dancing in Biggerstaff's deep blue eyes, eyes that he thought he could drown in. While his hair was an ordinary shade of brown, the fact he grew it out long so that it almost covered his eyes and fell past his ears gave him a mysterious look--- like he had something to hide. 

And his body… Draco twitched in his seat to give his painful hard-on a more comfortable position. God if he had to get up now, he'd be acutely embarrassed. Think of anything. Think of the mudblood and the Weasel together. Think of Dumbledore and McGonagall together. Think of Filch and any bloody person. That did it. He could feel his erection losing some of its aching feeling. 

"Why are you here, Malfoy? Students aren't typically out and about this late," Biggerstaff began with a wry voice, his eyes glancing toward the clock on the wall that said for students 'homework time' and for him 'grading time.' "Even if you are well within your rights as the Head Boy to be roaming the hallways in search of the stragglers that might be up to some mischief." 

"I…" Draco stumbled, feeling like an utter idiot, "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Talk to me?" Biggerstaff murmured. "About what?"

Draco blushed a slight pink, mortified. "I don't know." 

"You know," Biggerstaff stated knowingly, "but I won't press you. However, since you're here I guess I do have something to tell you that will save me the time of having to send you an official owl tomorrow." Draco's breath hitched… it couldn't be… could it? "Mr. Draco Black Malfoy, would you do me the honor in considering my apprenticeship after your graduation from Hogwarts?" 

All he could do was nod dumbly. His greatest wish had come true. He was going to be Biggerstaff's apprentice. 

* * *

**AS** Severus's eyes slid over his torso appreciatively, Harry once again thought that he should have made himself less attractive. But it was hard to have a constant glamourie on that wasn't somewhat based on the foundation underneath it. He had changed his nose by deliberately making it crooked, but the nose was generally the same. His lips he had made fuller, almost pouty. His cheeks he had made slightly more prominent. It gave him a more feminine look than he usually had. 

He had also tampered with his hair, lightening it and making it straight. Just making it not unruly had been more of a challenge than all of the other nitpicks combined. Damn his unmanageable hair! Having a slight limp hadn't hurt to differentiate himself further from Harry Potter, not that anyone would think he was the Boy Who Lived after all the charms and his considerable age. 

It amused him that his best disguise was no disguise at all. He had a limp, thanks to Bellatrix goading Voldemort on. He gritted his teeth, if he couldn't kill the Bellatrix there, he'd be only too happy to do it here. If anything, he had more of a vendetta against her here--- she had murdered _his_ godfather. Thank Merlin Voldemort had come to his senses soon enough to stop senior Crabbe and Goyle from paralyzing him. As much as medimagic could do for a person, if the spine was snapped--- even it couldn't help a person regain the loss of his legs. 

And thank heavens Sev hadn't been there, Harry thought with a keen sense of relief. Sev had been angry enough when he had found out about the tattoo on his back, if he'd seen his lover getting beaten almost to death because Harry had once again refused to marry Sahar, Voldemort's daughter from Bellatrix… In the end, it didn't matter that Sahar and him hadn't wanted to marry each other--- they had done it anyway because they had **no choice**. 

At least Harry had gotten something out of it. He was here now. Having gotten the right from Voldemort to grant him one wish without any strings attached if he married Sahar and provided him with his long desired grandchild. What Voldemort hadn't known was that Harry was from another universe and he wished to go back there to see if everything was all right. It wasn't like he'd be there for more than a few years and missing but a few moments in the other universe. So Voldemort had granted it, not that he'd had much choice since he'd sworn a Wizard's Oath. 

Unbreakable and indestructible.

Thank god Voldemort didn't know anything other than that Sebastian, as he was known there, was a truly powerful wizard that should be bonded to his only daughter. It didn't hurt that living 9 years underneath the alias Sebastian Biggerstaff had prepared him only too well to take up the same pseudonym and to live under it once more. It was no deception. He had been Sebastian so long that if anyone but himself or Sev called him Harry… it felt inexplicably strange. 

"Sebastian," Severus murmured, his velvety voice so much like Sev's that Harry felt himself reacting in his groin, "you are a Potions Master, are you not?" 

When Harry had offered Severus his help to develop a poison that could worm its way through all the defenses that Voldemort had taken to make himself invincible not to mention destroy his body and soul, he had neglected to mention that he was a Potions Master. While he knew Severus would be skeptical, he didn't want any further rumors of himself to spread. Being a powerful mediwizard had already attracted considerable attention, attention he did not want. But he could have hardly gotten the job or persuaded the class needed to be taught without demonstrating his power. 

Instead, he had told Severus that he had been a Potions Master's assistant, which was no lie, and while he had no intention of being Dumbledore's puppet again--- he hardly supported Voldemort. So he'd work with Dumbledore if that was what it took, and having decided that--- he made the decision to approach Severus near the beginning of the term with his proposal. And he knew the only way that Severus would trust him was to make a Wizard's Oath. He had done it, and Severus had trusted him because if he broke his word to Severus--- he would have to suffer Cruciatus until he died. 

But even after professing under the Oath that he was an adept Potions Maker, Severus still had made him go through a version of the Potions mastery, a harder version he had conjured himself to make sure that Sebastian was worthy of helping him in his endeavor. It had been almost as exhausting as the MEDs and he knew he had only barely passed. Then again, he'd never be the Potions Master that Severus was. Indeed, he felt lucky that he hadn't failed. 

"Why do you say that?"

"Your skill is not one of a mere assistant," Severus sneered. "You work is that of a Master's."

"Why, thank you Severus," Harry murmured eloquently, "for the compliment. But I assure you, I am no Master." And here, he was not. He was mediwizard, having to go through a second MEDs to claim back his rightful title. It had been far easier as they had not had such high expectations and he had purposely only passed it like a regular mediwizard. Even that was impressive because few mediwizards did that well, on what people assumed, was his first attempt. 

"Don't lie to me. The Wizard's Oath," Severus reminded him pointedly. 

"And by the Wizard's Oath, you should know, I cannot lie to you."

"Then… you truly are not?"

Harry nodded exasperatedly. "You know the Wizard's Oath you invoked is like Veritaserum. I cannot lie to you unless I want to feel the pain of the Unforgivable in me. Though that is considerably less of a punishment than if I should betray you to anyone."

"Yes," Severus finally agreed. "But I could have sworn you're a Master." 

"I am not. Is it not enough that I am one of the few that you would ever deem worthy to allow to work with you?" Harry queried softly, then sighed raggedly as he saw on Severus's harsh face that it wasn't enough to staunch the Potions Professor's curiosity. "Ask me something then," he offered, "that you feel will embarrass me." 

There was an unspoken agreement amongst them that Severus was never to question Sebastian about his personal affair and past history under the Oath as it was an invasion in privacy. Severus respected that since he knew what a terrible position Sebastian had put himself in to prove to the Order and to him that he was no Death Eater and that he was loyal to the Cause. If anything, there was too much to admire about this young man, Severus thought dourly as his dark eyes took in Sebastian's beautiful form. Far too much. 

He had heard enough girls giggling in the hallways about what a gorgeous specimen that the Medimagic Professor was, how the lower years couldn't wait to move up to 5th year so they could finally start taking the class. Severus rolled his eyes exasperatedly and it wasn't just restricted to the girls. He had seen quite a few of the male students cast a favorable glance toward Professor Biggerstaff, though they had the good judgment to not gossip and giggle. 

Ahhh… the perfect question. "Do you prefer men or women?" 

"I prefer _men_," Harry answered instantly. _I prefer you. _It didn't matter that Severus wasn't his Sev, the inherent qualities were the same and he found it hard to resist the growing attraction he had for Severus. He kept reminding himself that he couldn't let himself be drawn to Severus… that he couldn't cheat on Severus with Severus… as silly and ridiculous as it sounded. 

"Older or younger?"

Harry quirked an eyebrow up. He hadn't given permission for two questions, only one. But it wasn't something detrimental. He could humor Severus. "No more after this," he stated patiently. "And if you must know, I prefer _older_." 

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sev is the name I'm going to use to acknowledge the AU Snape, while I'll use Severus for the homeworld Snape. I'm going to try to update once a month (each chapter at least 4,000, most likely 5,000+ like this chapter). I might update more, depends on my ornery muse. This is actually the story that I've wanted to write for more than a year, the beginning _oh 140,000 some words _was the means to get here. I needed to establish the boring background to get this part. I hope you like it (as much, if not more than MOP + EOE). Any confusion will be cleared up about how Harry got back in Chapter 2, which will include a rundown explanation at the end of the chapter in case you don't understand the context of the chapter -_-.  Rereading Chapter 5 of EoE would also greatly help as well.  As usual, if you like it--- read it and review it and I might write more of it. 

**EoE Note:** One of these days I'm going to have to finish it b/c you'll need to know how Harry managed to get Voldemort to send him back and how the fuck he ended up getting married to Sahar.  That's um… if I finish this installment first.  -_-;; Actually depending on my mood, there could be a 4th part, but that's really up in the air.  My beta knows why!  -inserts evil cackle-  It's not only sheer laziness (shown by not finish EoE).  

**Questions** _to help you review_: (1) How do you like Ron's reaction to Professor Biggerstaff? (2) Harry's thoughts of making Hermione and Draco his apprentices? Which do you prefer or both? (3) Draco's infatuation with Professor Biggerstaff? Draco's insight on how Professor Biggerstaff's looks? His limp? (4) The Harry/Severus scene? Severus's questions? Harry's guilt on cheating on Sev with Severus? 

**Contact Me:** (AIM) sevviepooh  or (MSN) wan_mei_zhu_yi @ hotmail.com… 

* * *

TBC...

_Chapter 2: _**The Return**_  
How Harry Came Back_


	2. The Return

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING**  
by _Yih_

* * *

**Beta'd****:** Blackumbrage (formerly Blackumbridge), it's her AIM too ;p. 

**Important Note:** Read the italics carefully… this is 8 years into the future past chapter 1.  If you can't tell from the title, it describes how Harry got back to his original universe.  

**Part 1:** Harry Potter and the Mirror of Paradox (complete)--- beta'd by Serra and Blackumbrage  
**Part 2:** Harry Potter and the Extent of Existent (incomplete)--- beta'd by Blackumbrage

* * *

Part 3 of the Paradox Series 

2: **The Return **(March 3, 2004 to March 19, 2004)

_8 years into the Future…_

Disoriented and riddled with pain that burned from his skin to the innermost parts of his body, Harry stumbled out of the vortex that Voldemort had created for him to come back to his home world. Who would have thought--- **the irony of it all**--- that _the_ Voldemort here was the one to send him to the other universe and that _his_ Voldemort there would send him back home? He never would have… if Voldemort hadn't promised him anything if he married Sahar. 

His life was truly messed up. He was a flaming homosexual, but he had accomplished what few honest to god gays ever did--- he'd married two women within a span of ten years. How was that for one truly fucked up existence? He shook his head, blinking madly, as he tried to get some bearing on where he was. It simply would not do him any good if he got himself _Avada__ Kedavra'd_ in Death Eater land. 

The question was… where the bloody hell was--- _oh god, sweet merciful heavens_--- thin, hard lips burned against his as his body was drawn up tightly against a vaguely familiar body. It couldn't be, could it? The taste was right, not too sweet and not too bitter, and the most telling aspect was the faint hint of mint. It had to be… Severus, and if it was… he was **safe**. 

"Harry," said Severus, there was no mistaking that deep and husky voice of sex, when he drew back to run a sweeping glance over his body, "I've missed you so much."

The coaxing tongue made Harry open his lips ever so slightly, enough for Severus to drive his tongue into his wet, warm mouth. As much as Harry wanted to succumb to this devastating temptation, this was wrong--- this wasn't his Sev. He couldn't do this. It wasn't right. But god, did it feel good. It had been a while since his Sev had kissed him like this, like he needed him--- like he'd die if he didn't have him. 

His Sev kissed him like he took him for granted, like there was nothing that would ever tear them apart. He guessed his Sev had every right to be confident. He had stayed with the snarky man for 7 years, hadn't he? He might have married two witches for two different reasons, but the only one he had ever shared his body and his heart with had been Sev. No one else, so why wouldn't he be a bit careless with the showering of affection? It didn't stop Sev from being heinously jealous when he should know there was nothing between him and Hermione. 

And Merlin, Sev's reaction when he'd been forced to announce his engagement and later his marriage to Sahar--- he hadn't gotten to be in Sev's arms for a very long time, and then only for a night before he had come here. The sex, then, had been bittersweet. But this kiss was nothing regretful or ominous, instead it was desperation and longing shoved into every crevice of the kiss's being. 

He pulled away to gasp for some air so that he wouldn't drown in the intoxicating kiss. A gasp was all he got before Severus's hard lips descended upon his once more to kiss him like he'd never been kissed before. This was so much more than a mere kiss. It was, in some ways, far more intimate than sex. The sheer emotion behind it made Harry want to sink into it and never come out of it. 

There was so much need and want, yearning and… love. That couldn't be right, could it? This Severus couldn't love him. It was impossible. This Severus had to hate him, had to despise him. He was Harry Potter. He was _James Potter's son. _Severus Snape, the greasy git, the Potions Master who had made his life a living hell in Hogwarts for 5 years, couldn't be the one that was kissing his breath away. 

It was impossible, yet here he was getting his knees made wobbly by the only wizard other than Voldemort that had true justification for despising him. After all, what his father had done to Severus had been horrible and unforgiving. He didn't know how he'd react if he had to be in Severus's shoes. It was something that couldn't be judged until one had experienced it. And yet, somehow Severus had put it all behind himself and was kissing him as thoroughly as if Harry was the love of his life. 

"You won't leave me this time," Severus declared raggedly as his lips kissed Harry's neck. "You won't fail this time. I won't let you." More kisses that trailed down his throat as Severus brushed aside his collar. "There's not much time," he murmured. "There's never any time." He drew away, his dark eyes pinning Harry's emerald ones. "You're more beautiful as you truly are than you have ever been as Sebastian Biggerstaff." 

"I…" Harry began.

"Hush," Severus commanded in the tone that broke for no disagreement at all. That actually sounded quite like the Severus he was used to dealing with that hated his guts. "Listen to me, and don't interrupt unless you have to."

Harry nodded. "All right."

"I don't know that much about you or your life before," Severus remarked, "only what you told me briefly before you… you, gods, this is so difficult." His voice was actually breaking up. Severus's voice never broke up. He was choked with emotion. How unlike the Severus he knew or even his Sev. 

Harry decided to help him. "I told you everything you needed to know to help me when I came back in case I died… which I did." 

"Yes," Severus responded raggedly, "but you aren't going to _leave_ me this time. Do you understand?" His hands gripped Harry's shoulders and held him tightly like he'd never let go. "I won't let you." 

"Sometimes…"

"You won't fail, I know more about Voldemort and his strategies than he'd ever be able to guess, and I know how important it is that you go back further than what you did the previous time. I believe I met you in 2003, which was 3 years from now. You came back and stayed before the final battle which was held in 2005 and along the way… I think you know what happened between us."

Harry nodded, allowing Severus to continue without any further interruptions, "I knew you as Sebastian Biggerstaff for a few months before you broke it to the Order that you were Harry Potter and that you'd made your way back from an alternate dimension where you'd been training hard to help with the war here. By the time I knew who you were," he remarked wryly, "it was already too late to stop my desire for you. And as much as I'd prefer to have you as you are," he murmured, tracing a finger down Harry's throat, "you must be Sebastian Biggerstaff until Voldemort is destroyed.

"Somehow the information got leaked to Voldemort that you were not Sebastian Biggerstaff but Harry Potter and he and his Death Eaters targeted you exclusively until the final battle in which they outnumbered you and separated you from the rest of us… and you know what happened then," Severus said with a tight and unforgiving voice. "And by the time you'd come, most of your friends and our allies were dead except for the hardiest survivors amongst us. Your skills would have been useful if you had come earlier, before the first breach.

"What I'm saying is that you need to time turn back further than what you had last time. I would say around the summer after 6th year," Severus stated firmly. "Not any sooner or people will be suspicious as they had been and continued to be with anyone new after Harry Potter disappeared into the cursed mirror. Do you understand me Harry? You have to time turn back 8 years to your 7th year, and you must convince Albus to allow you to be a Professor." 

"Defense against the Dark Arts?" he retorted wryly, the only subject he could imagine himself teaching and the only position that Albus always had trouble filling with anyone competent.

"No," Severus responded sharply, "you need to convince Albus to let you start a medimagic class. It's important that you teach the students that might have an aptitude for it as the crushing blow to us in the first breach was that St. Mungo's was hit first and most of the mediwizards on the light side were wiped out before the second wave hit Hogwarts. When you go back, you need to strengthen St. Mungo's wards, convince the aurors to do that and to teach the students at Hogwarts so some of them will be ready to heal their classmates when the first breach occurs." 

"And when will it occur?" Harry inquired. "And how is it possible for me to time turn back 8 years? It's physically impossible for a time turner to work more than a few weeks, maybe a month or two." 

"That it is," Severus agreed, "but I've amplified it with a potion that over the last year or so I've been working on when I haven't been purging my memory into this book for you to take back with you so that you know everything that should happen." Severus handed Harry a leather bound journal that was inches thick. "Also, time turners have gotten more powerful so the simple amplification potion makes it possible. How else did you get back the first time? However, you ought to know that things will change from this when you start changing the timeline. I can't say what will be good choices or not, but I have made suggestions in the margins about possible ways to approach stopping the dreadful events. But I can only speculate on what will happen if you choose that action."  
  
"The paradox," Harry murmured. "I go back to change things and I might end up making things worse." 

"No," Severus disagreed, "don't think that. You'll make things better." 

"How do you know? The first time all my friends died…" 

"You saved me." 

Harry bit his lip. "Still…"

"You can't save everyone, Harry."

He gulped down painfully. "Aren't that what I'm here for? To save everyone?" 

"Don't get full of yourself," Severus responded harshly. "It's not only you that is needed to defeat Voldemort. He may have marked you in the prophecy, but that doesn't mean that you can take on the entire burden of destroying him by yourself. It's not you that's needed. It's all of us. Because even though you might be meant to kill him, he's only 1 of the wizards that you have to go against. His Death Eaters are a strategically loyal bunch, and you have to deal with them."

Harry nodded. "I know that." 

"Good," Severus murmured, pressing a hard kiss against Harry's lips. "Keep that in mind when you go back. You need all the help that you can get. Try to get the Malfoy's early. I know Lucius doesn't like Voldemort anymore because Voldemort has hardly lived up to what Lucius expected to get from him." Severus laughed bitterly. "He wanted power, but he didn't want it through servile methods. It's beneath a Malfoy, and Draco… Draco's the link that you need to get to Lucius. Draco's the one that is the easiest turned. Actually, Narcissa might be but Narcissa is harder to access than Draco while you're at Hogwarts and you need to be at Hogwarts. And while you need to teach medimagic, you also need to conduct other classes teaching them the art of dueling."

"Anything else?" Harry inquired wryly. 

"Much more, but you can read the book for that. I have everything in there. I purged my thoughts into a pensieve and used a spell to put it into words. Then I went through it waiting for you to return adding any further insights that I could that I think would help you." Severus took a deep breath and stepped away from Harry, his hands dropping limply to his side. "Remember this one thing. Don't underestimate Bellatrix Lestrange. She's the one that ended up killing most of your friends. She's insane, but even in her madness… she's too clever and too vindictive by far." 

"I'll remember." 

"Harry?"

Severus took two objects from his pocket, a time-turner and a small vial--- the amplifying potion. He placed the time-turner securely around Harry's neck and placed the vial into Harry's hand. "I love you despite who you are." Harry broke out into a grin, he couldn't help it even if it wasn't his Severus. It was hard… the man was exactly like his Severus in so many ways that it was hard to discern the two of them. Severus withdrew a small letter from inside his robes. "This is a letter to Albus that I've written as your recommendation. It's sealed personally by my magical signature and it's impossible to forge. Of course, the past Severus will not want to believe it--- then again, it doesn't matter because even he will know that it's impossible for it be forged and that will be your key in getting the trust of the Order. Albus will trust you because he trusts me." 

Harry clutched the letter tightly and stared down at the vial. "I…"

"Drink the potion and turn the time-turner back 4 years and the potion will amplify it to 8 and that'll send you back to the beginning of your 7th year at Hogwarts," Severus explained methodically. "And remember, you will come back to me. You will. There are instructions at the end of the book on what you have to do. You have to complete the deed before 2003 because your other self will be there by then and I have no idea how the powers that be will react with two souls that are the same person in the same time period. I don't think we want to know that." 

Harry nodded, but he knew that it wouldn't happen. It couldn't, that's why he hadn't been able to return before. It wasn't only the barrier from Voldemort that had blocked him, it was the fact that his future self was already there that had kept him away. God, the paradox was such a complicated puzzle that he didn't even know how to react to it for the fear of screwing up and creating an even bigger mess than before. 

"You should go now," Severus murmured. 

"May I ask you something?" Severus pursed his lips into a firm line and slowly nodded his head. "Did you… ahh… um…"

"Did I love you?" Harry nodded sheepishly. Why he wanted to know, he didn't know. He just felt compelled to for some inane reason. "It's not a question of did I love you," Severus murmured hoarsely, almost harshly. "I do love you still, and I will love you always." 

Harry froze where he was, when Severus had said that—declared that with such a strength, it was like hearing his Sev saying it. He gritted his teeth together and took a deep breath as he felt like at any second it would be unbearable for him. "How? Why?" he burst out. He didn't understand. How could Severus love him, _love him still_ when he knew he was Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the son of James Potter. 

"Because," Severus began fiercely, his hand reaching out to caress Harry's cheek, "my love for you as Sebastian Biggerstaff exceeded such bounds that even when I found out you were Harry Potter, I could not help but love you even more for loving me despite the way I had treated you in the past." 

"I…"

"I do not expect you to feel the same way about me now, but you will. I know you will." Harry wanted to ask him more, but Severus shook his head and gestured to the time turner. It was time that Harry went. "You must go before I do a stupid thing and keep you here." 

Harry almost smiled but it wasn't a time to smile. As if Severus would ever do a stupid thing like that. He didn't know of a more disciplined wizard that never allowed a weakness of the mind to get the better of him. It was one of the many characteristics that he admired so much about Severus, and it didn't matter if it was his Sev or not. It seemed to be an inherent trait no matter what dimension he was in. Truly, they were nearly the same—but he had to keep in mind they weren't the same. They weren't. 

And he didn't even want to think about how this Severus had fallen in love with him. It made his head hurt and his heart ache to think about that. Had he? Was it his fault? He didn't want it to be his weakness, but he knew that it had to be him, for who else could it be? It couldn't be Severus… so it had to be him. It had to be. 

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"I won't fail." 

Severus nodded. "I know you won't." Harry reached for the time turner and glanced down at the object that would bring him back in time. "You need to drink the potion first," Severus reminded him. Harry blushed slightly and took the vial and gulped it down. "Now turn the time turner, Harry." 

Harry took the time turner and he slowly turned the hand back four years, the limit that it reached and he felt the sucking feel that was much stronger than a portkey pulling at his being. Faintly in the background he heard Severus shouting at him, "TRUST IN YOURSELF!" 

* * *

This was his worst nightmare. He hated the feel of anything similar to a portkey ever since that first unforgettable incident where his blood had been used to restore Voldemort and in the process ended up getting innocent Cedric Diggory murdered. How long was this going to take? He did not know. How long was a time turner usually suppose to take? He sighed, he didn't know. He had never used one before. 

He was spinning, his body twisting and turning in weird distorted angles that it was a wonder that he wasn't being ripped apart. It felt like his soul was trying to escape his body. He didn't now how to describe this… it was weird, it wasn't right, this wasn't suppose to happen. It was abnormal. It was not something anyone should go through for it was not natural. This was going against everything the world was… switching time around and forcing it to bend to magic. It felt more unnatural than going between the alternate dimensions. This felt wrong. 

God this felt endless, he thought. When was this aberrant against nature going to end? No wonder time-turners were kept under magic surveillance, and the time-turners they had had back then were nothing compared to the one that Severus had given to him. A few hours at most, but had time turners like these existed back then? No, probably not, or else they would have done something long ago to prevent Voldemort's rise to power. This had to have been invented in the last few years… like the amplifying potion… but who? 

It had to be someone powerful at charms that intimately understood the workings of time and of magic. But… oh fucking Merlin, he was beginning to feel nauseous as the spinning began to increase like a vortex out of control. When he got out of this, he was definitely not going to ever take a trip like this again. This was worse than dimension jumping, but at least he didn't have to look forward to any horrible pain caused by Voldemort's magical blockage. That was one small comfort he took hold of as he felt his body stop feeling disjointed and started feeling all too heavily compacted. 

_Holy crap,_ Harry cursed as he felt his body being jarred by the quite hard landing. He took a deep breath and expelled it with relief. He had been muttering spells to check his body to make sure that he was all right, and he found that he hadn't sustained any major damage. He would have bruises, but nothing was broken. Thank god. "I'm never doing that again," he muttered to himself. "No bloody way." 

So was he back? He wasn't sure…

"You fall from the sky," came the sarcastic response, "and then you talk to yourself," in a drawl that was effortlessly familiar, "I would say you are mentally disturbed and need to be taken off to St. Mungo's… so if you don't start explaining what you're doing disrupting the wards around Hogwarts… that's exactly where you'll end up." 

* * *

**Author's Note:** Some of you have pointed out that in EoE I said that Severus knew who Harry was.  Since a good majority of you were confused by chapter 5 of EoE, I also mentioned that future Harry told present Harry that it was BEST FOR Harry not to divulge who he was as he had done last time which caused the 'devastation' of the wizarding light world.    

**EoE**** Note:** I will post a drabble about how Harry got his limp from Voldemort on my LiveJournal (the link's in my profile).  I'll announce it on the MOP mailing list when I do.  

**Questions** _to help you review_: (1) That scorching kiss!!! (2) The explanation of the paradox… thoughts, theories, anything at all?  (3) How Severus should react when Harry goes back in time with the time turner?  (4) Any other thoughts about how fabulously complex this storyline is?!

**Contact Me:** (AIM) sevviepooh or (MSN) wan_mei_zhu_yi @ hotmail.com… 

* * *

Thanks to **Ethos** (I never stopped writing the series, it's broken up into 3 different parts… MoP, EoE, and PoB**), walker-of-the-shadow-path** (well it's one sided on Draco's part), B (we'll see what happens with Severus and Harry here ;p), Vy, eth, Mikito, TJ, borne-shadow-childe, Solo D. Maxwell-Yuy, **shamanogler**(it's mentioned in MOP that Sirius is DEAD in Harry's world), od_ducky, darkess-knight, Hrfslythrn, Nelum, **TigerBlak**(Remember, this is 8 years in the past, Severus doesn't find out immediately and remember in EoE Harry is told NOT TO LET anyone know identity), Colibi, beatriz-T, Vash-the-dork, hpiceangel, **Illucia** (we'll see if you still prefer MOP when I'm done with this one.  I actually had the outline of this before I even conceived the background story… i.e. MOP.  No Harry doesn't teach all his students the same things, the advanced class is made up of a faster bunch of students… the question is why Ron's in the class.  *scratches head* I need to think about that one ;p), The angelic vampire, Nemati, **midnightprowler** (again it's 8 year in the past and Severus doesn't know Harry is Harry ;p), athenakitty, shells33, Siderius Cimmerii, **Shuki** (Harry and Severus are not a couple, though Severus is intrigued by Harry as I explain by the letter in which older Severus sealed for Harry in this chapter), **ennui deMorte** (yes Ginny will pop up, and that'll be a first time in my fanfiction realm actually), wolfen-alysha-draco-dragon, **TN** (b/c in the HP/DM case, it's one sided).  

* * *

TBC...

_Chapter 3: _**The Apprentices**_  
Draco + Hermione… oh my!_


	3. The Apprentices

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING**

by Yih

beta'd by Blackumbrage.

A drabble has been posting regarding Harry's limp on my livejournal (link in profile).  

* * *

The timeline of The Paradox Series

Everyone's confused about the timeline so here goes...  
  
1997 Homeworld  
1 Harry gets sucked into the mirror.  
2 Harry's friends try to get him back, but can't break open the spell yet.  
  
1997 AU  
1 Harry arrives in other dimension.  
2 Harry attempts to go back but is blocked twice.  
3 Harry goes under Poppy's guidance to train as a mediwizard.   
  
1998 Homeworld  
1 Harry's friends unlock it but Harry can't come back because Sebastian Biggerstaff is there teaching Advanced, Normal, and Beginner. The students get into the class through a placement test.   
2 Harry selects his two apprentices... Draco and Hermione.   
3 Draco and Hermione are Head Boy and Head Girl.  
4 Hermione and Ron are dating.   
  
1998 AU  
1 Harry attempts to go back and is severely injured. There are no further attempts for a while.  
2 The Triwizard Tournament takes place. Harry wins it.   
3 Hermione and Draco are Head Girl and Head Boy.  
4 Harry meets Sahar, Bellatrix's daughter (Voldemort's daughter).  
5 Harry becomes Severus's lover and his apprentice.  
6 Harry passes the MEDs.  
7 Hermione and Draco get together and are forced apart by Lucius.  
8 Harry attracts the attentions of Signy the Basilisk.   
9 Harry fails his Potions Mastery.  
  
  
1999 Homeworld - 2002 Homeworld  
(not telling what happens ;p... read and find out)  
  
1999 AU  
1 Harry marries Hermione.  
2 Hermione's baby is born... Hana Potter.  
3 Sahar saves Remus for Sirius.  
4 Harry passes his Potions Mastery.  
5 Harry gets marked with the serpent tattoo.  
  
2000-2005  
(read EoE for flashbacks)  
  
2005 AU  
1 Harry is visited by future Harry after getting crucio'd so badly that he was out for several days.  
2 Harry gets a limp from Voldemort after refusing to wed Sahar.  
3 Harry eventually marries Sahar after divorcing Hermione and now has the ability to go back to his homeworld.  
4 Harry goes back to his homeworld.  
  
2005 Homeworld  
1 Harry arrives back.  
2 Harry is snogged PASSIONATELY by Severus and is told the riddle of the Paradox.  
3 Harry goes back 8 years in time to 1999 where he becomes the Mediwizardry Professor.  


* * *

  
The Paradox Explained: If Harry changes anything, he changes what he knows will come true from what Future Harry has told him. Consequently, he changes his future. However, since he already knows what will occur--- he erases his future. But since his future self has already warned him of what will happen, he knows what he must do IF HE CAN do it. Since his 'present' body went back further in time than his 'future' self there is no time overlap because he no longer exists in 2003. So when Harry went back in time (of course Severus and Harry don't know this), Harry ERASED all the memories that future Severus have of Harry because Harry no longer was in 2003 and thus 2007 Severus has no idea of a 2003 Harry. Now that Harry's erased his future... what will become of it now...? Will it be worse or better? I.E. The Paradox of Being... 

* * *

  
3: **The Apprentices** (March 27, 2004 to April 2, 2004) 

_back__ to the past…_

It had been a dreadful mistake to allow Ron into the Advanced level Mediwizardry classes.  It had been foolish for him to hope that Ron would see some value in the class and strive to do well in it.  He should have known his former best friend better.  Harry shook his head as he again had to mark an F on Ron's parchment on the kinetics of empathy.  With only a handpicked ten students in his Advanced class, he really should have not gone with favoritism and should have chosen Ginny for his class instead.  

She was easily the best student in his Middle levels.  He had high hopes for her next year, especially since she would have a better foundation than either Draco or Hermione going into the harder theory based Medimagic.  Who would have thought, Harry reflected, that so many of his former friends would have turned out to be so talented in medimagic?  Then again, it wasn't the type of magic that was taught to younger students.  If anything, medimagic was taught to wizards and witches that had graduated from Hogwarts or other similar type magical schools and doing post-graduate studies.  

He was about to pick up another parchment when his basilisk portrait informed him in parseltongue, {You have a visitor.}  

{Who is it?} he hissed back politely.  

{Professor Snape.}

{You may let him in.}  

{Very well, Sebastian,} his basilisk responded, slithering back to the front side of his portrait to swing open the door.  {We will have our talk later tonight and you will tell me more about this Signy of yours?}  

Harry chuckled and nodded.  {Yes, I will tell you more about Signy later tonight, Gulliver.}  How some things never changed.  It was comforting to know that as well as to have proof that most males were infinitely interested in their female counterparts, no matter if they were a portrait or not.  However, there were some males that weren't and that most certainly included Professor Snape.

He didn't want to make a generalization that because his Sev had preferred his own gender that this Severus did as well.  He wasn't going to make an assumption, but his gut told him so and his instincts normally weren't wrong.  There was something about the way that Severus toyed with him, something about the way that Severus looked at him like he wanted him.  But that was preposterous, wasn't it?  

Not really, his conscious whispered, when he considered how future Severus had snogged the breath out of him knowing that he was Harry Potter.  But it had only been a few months, Severus could hardly be interested in him already.  It had taken his Sev years to get to the point where he saw him as anyone eligible for a relationship.  On the other hand, this time he wasn't a student and he was older.  Moreover, he had a letter of recommendation from future Severus to Albus Dumbledore that gave his impeccable references… and if there was anyone Severus trusted---it was himself.  

"Good evening," Severus greeted as he entered into Biggerstaff's personal chambers.  "I trust you are well?"

Harry nodded and smiled.  "I am well.  What brings this visit?" he asked courteously, trying to keep his features reserved as befitted a Professor.  But it was hard, damn if Severus didn't look utterly shaggable standing there with his dark robes swirling around him gracefully.  "I wouldn't think you'd be one for a social call."  

"I am not," Severus responded with open admittance.  "But I am starting this new potions project and your assistance would be highly invaluable.  You have been helping me on a semi-weekly basis, but this would be long term and it would require quite a commitment that I'm unsure if you are willing to make.  I thought it be would best to ask this of you personally rather than to approach you publicly."  

"What project?" Harry asked, not thinking he could say no to Severus regardless of how much work it took.  

"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about how you got back here," Severus remarked in a soft voice since not very many people knew that Sebastian Biggerstaff was from the future other than the trusted staff at Hogwarts that were part of the Order of the Phoenix.  "And you never mentioned how you got back, but even if time turners evolved that much… it would still be impossible to make that much of a breakthrough that quickly.  There had to be something else, and I was hypothesizing a potion."

Damn if the man wasn't brilliant too.  There was so much that he admired about Sev, so much that he respected about him.  It was such a horrible temptation that everything that he loved most about Sev was in capitulated in Severus too.  The more he got to know Severus, the easier and the harder it got to distinguish the two men apart in his mind.  All that he loved about Sev came to haunt him, and yet there were differences that separated the two men.  There wasn't much, but there was a little.

This Severus was inherently good while his Sev was… more opportunistic in nature.  He supposed that it came from having to deal with a ruling Voldemort since his other self had died as an infant.  That certainly changed the dynamics of the other world and if the changed atmosphere didn't affect a person, what else would?  Even Dumbledore, a wizard he highly respected here had been so warped there that it was impossible to hold any respect for him there.  

"Do you know if it was or not?"  

Harry wasn't sure how much he could tell Severus without creating an even further paradox.  The truth was, future Severus had told him to tell present Severus to make a potion, but that wasn't to take place for a few years down the road.  If Severus started earlier, how would that change the timeline from what he had from the future Severus's journal?  Oh god, just thinking about it gave him a tremendous headache.  

But he supposed it couldn't hurt.  "It was a potion."  

Severus nodded as if that was the expected answer.  "Then you will help me with it?"  

"I will," Harry vowed.  "I will help you as much as you want."  

Severus almost smiled, instead settling for a corner of his mouth tilting upward.  "That's good to hear."  

Harry leaned back in his chair and studied Severus blatantly, though it was no less blunt than the obvious stare that Severus was dragging through his entire body as if he wasn't fully clothed.  It made him feel naked, but he wasn't about to show his discomfort.  It wasn't an awful kind of discomfort, it was quite the opposite actually.  It was a pleasurable distress and he was so glad he was still wearing his full Professor garb rather than the slacks he normally had on when he was in his quarters as he felt his erection tent up his trousers.  

Damn if the man couldn't get him all hot and bothered by just looking at him.  And thank god he was sitting down behind his desk.  While there was much the robes did hide, there was much that it didn't hide if they were to fall open.  He didn't need to have Severus know he was lusting after the man because he was reasonably sure that this Severus was pursuing him… the question was why?  It wasn't like the Severus he knew, even in the other world to outright pursue anyone.  If anything, the other man had to do the pursuing like he had been forced too.

Then again, circumstances were different here.  He wasn't a student anymore and he was well within a reasonable age gap, not like before which had been Sev's main deal before when they had gotten together.  And he did have the recommendation from future Severus to present Severus that spoke volumes.  To actually get Severus's approval was a huge deal, no matter which Severus it was from what world.  Severus was a hard man to impress no matter what.  

"I'd better get back to these parchments," Harry murmured, gesturing to the essays that he had yet to grade.  It wasn't late, but he was only part of the way through the advanced portions and he still had the middle and beginning classes to grade.  It would be well past midnight when he was through and tomorrow he had one of his earliest classes to teach.  To think, he'd thought when he was a student that the Professors had it easy… 

"Then I'd best leave," Severus remarked throatily, his eyes trailing up and down Harry's form with such an intensity that it made Harry want to groan with desire.  It was hard to hold the man back, when he wanted nothing more than to bend his naked ass over a desk and spread his legs and beg Severus to fuck him hard and long.  "Good night, Sebastian."    
  
"Good night, Severus."  

* * *

He had not the slightest fucking idea what he was doing, but he wanted Sebastian and he wanted Sebastian badly.  It was irrational, how much he wanted to shag the younger man senseless and all night long.  It was getting to the point that he didn't care if Sebastian knew how much he wanted him or not, only hoping that if Sebastian knew… he'd give him some kind of signal that would indicate the attentions wouldn't be entirely unacceptable.  

Severus ran his long pale fingers through his slightly greasy black hair.  Why did he want Sebastian so much?  Well, the younger man was beautiful and intelligent enough--- brilliant actually at potions.  He could have never imagined being with someone that didn't understand his knowledge and his passion with potions.  The fact that Sebastian did and that he was as much of an expert in his chosen field as Severus was made him respect the man all the more.  And it certainly only made him more attractive since it went beyond a physical level.

What bothered Severus about the whole seducing business, because he knew if he wanted to seduce Sebastian that he would be able to.  It wasn't that he was gorgeous or anything, but he was confident in his skills as a lover and he could be persuasive when he wanted to be.  What concerned him the most was that Sebastian always seemed to get more rigid and tense the longer that they were around each other alone.  When they were together in a crowd, Sebastian was much more easy going and a lot better company.  It seemed like he froze when they were alone.  Was it nerves?  That was certainly not an unreasonable explanation, but still… why?  

Sebastian hardly seemed the bashful type.  If anything, Severus thought he'd make a wildly passionate lover.  Not that he should be thinking of acquiring a lover in times like these, Severus thought harshly, but why not enjoy the little life that was left?  And it was nice not having to worry about if Sebastian was someone sent by Voldemort to test his loyalty or not when he had proof from himself that Sebastian was entirely truthful.  If his future self approved, what had his present to disagree with?  Nothing.

He sighed and reached for his first potions essay to grade.  Why had he assigned the three feet essay on the uses of dragonteeth as in an ingredient in volatile potions?  Ah yes, it was to torture the stupid Gryffindors in his class.  He growled and grabbed his red ink bottle.  He had a feeling that he was desperately going to be needing it.  It would be just his rotten luck if he ran out of it before he was done grading.  Oh well, his expectations would hardly be disappointed then since he had none for them.  

Let's see, whose essay was first?  Hermione Granger, at least that should be somewhat of a legible read even if she was far too wordy in her writing than she needed to be.  Didn't she understand the merits of a good concise essay?  And how many years had he been critiquing her for going over the recommended length and still she didn't listen.  The impertinent Gryffindor.  But… she was still rather good at potions and that was her saving grace.  He knew without reading she'd get an O, her theories were well thought if long winded.  He leaned back in his chair and began to read with interest.  

* * *

The diary said Voldemort was going to attack St. Mungo's tonight.  The problem was Harry didn't know if the circumstances had changed or not.  There were other, lesser events that future Severus had diligently recorded--- some of which had taken place and others that hadn't.  He hadn't thought to intervene in those because though insignificant, if he interfered that could greatly effect the larger events in the future.  

He ran his hand violently through his long brown hair and resisted the urge to growl low in his throat.  What the bloody hell did he do?  He couldn't even guarantee that anything would happen at St. Mungo's and what if it did?  The time Voldemort had attacked before had devastated the medimagic community irreparably in Great Britain.  If he allowed it to happen this time, it would be just as bad.  He had to do something, even if nothing happened.  Preparation was better than none.  

The only problem with that was if he did so… he put himself in jeopardy of Voldemort focusing even more in on him than he already was.  His talents as a mediwizard had already spread and his notorious neutrality also proved quite attractive to the Dark Lord.  He knew he wasn't neutral but he maintained the guise if only to keep the Dark Lord from putting him on the blacklist.  While Voldemort wasn't as powerful here as he was in the alternate world, if he targeted him--- he would get results.  

Ugh… he didn't even want to think about that right now.  That problem could be handled later, the fact that Voldemort seemed to want to try to recruit him.  There were other problems that he had to deal with, like the problem of St. Mungo's being attacked.  Whether it happened or not, he had to do something.  And even if it were, there was still going to be damage if there was an attack.  More than anything, he realized the importance of taking on apprentices of his own.  As the Head Mediwizard from the other world had told him, _he was the most combined talent to come along in a long time.  _

He needed to pass on his knowledge.  Who better to do that then Hermione and Draco?  He couldn't choose one without the other when they were both strong in different ways.  So what choice did he have but to select both of them?  He needed to tell them that though.  It was about that time of the year when Professors made offers to the graduating 7th years to take them up as apprentices if they were going to take any that was.  Not all professors chose apprentices every year, but both McGonagall and Flitwick hadn't taken one in a while and they were both due for one.  He would have to make his offer good if he didn't want to lose Draco and Hermione to them… that meant he needed to start working on his offer.  

There were certain things that he knew would appeal more to Hermione than to Draco.  He actually didn't know what to say to entice Draco into accepting the offer, though he didn't think he had to try very hard to get Draco to accept.  Draco seemed quite willing in any instance to take up the apprenticeship even if it went against years of Malfoy lineage tendencies.  Whatever the case, it was Hermione that was the black card.  Harry simply didn't know what she was going to do.  She was so brilliant at everything that he had a feeling that at least three of her professors other than him would make an offer.  

But what exactly could he offer to her that they couldn't?  Other than learning medimagic… not much.  However, he could teach her anything else she wanted to learn as long as it wasn't Transfiguration.  He couldn't hold a candle to her in that subject, but in almost everything else he was her rival back there and given that he had 8 years on her here… he should be more knowledgeable than her.  It was undoubtedly through knowledge that he would ensnare her.  

Let's see, where should he begin?  

_To (insert name here),_

_You have demonstrated enormous potential in the Advanced Medimagic class to such a degree that should you decide to further pursue it, it would be my honor to offer you an apprenticeship for the next 12 months at Hogwarts.  The following is what would be offered to you should you accept the role as being my apprentice:_

_You will be prepared to pass the MEDs (Medicial Examining Disasters).  _ _You will have unrestricted access to the Restricted Section._ _You have the option of living in my quarters with me, which will be magically expanded to accommodate you or you may live somewhere else as long as it is within easy commuting distance to Hogwarts._ _You will not be expected to pay any of the expenses incurred during your stay with me, all that will be provided from my personal account._ _Finally, should you choose to be my apprentice I will also train you in any other subject matter of your choosing be it the Dark Arts, Defense, Charms, or Potions.  _

_Should you decide to accept this offer, all you need to do is stop by my office and discuss the pertinent details of your accommodation and what supplies you feel you will need over the summer to begin the preparations.  _

_Sincerely,_

_Sebastian Biggerstaff_

_The Mediwizard of Hogwarts_

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm very tired.  I'll respond to your reviews in the next chapter.  I've been sick for the past week and my life is a mess.  Fallen will be out as soon as I sort through it.  LA will probably be delayed to mid May I have no idea.  Finals are at the end of April so if I don't get to it before that then I won't start until the end of finals so… that delays me a quite a bit.  Sorry guys, my grades are terrible this semester compared to last.  I'm taking more and it's harder so I doubled screwed myself.  

Do me a favor and review.  Thanks.


	4. The Relationships

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING**

by Yih

beta'd by Blackumbrage.

A drabble has been posting regarding Harry's limp on my livejournal (link in profile). 

* * *

4: **The Relationships** (April 13, 2004 to April 17, 2004)

There was a soft knock on his chamber doors. "Come in." 

Whoever Severus had been expecting, it hadn't been Sebastian. He especially wasn't expecting a troubled and haggard looking Sebastian either. It looked like Sebastian hadn't gotten any sleep last night. There were dark circles underneath his eyes and Severus felt the unexpected urge to want to drag Sebastian into bed with him and it wasn't to shag the young man either, but to make sure that he got a decent night's sleep. It was more than the fact he desired Sebastian, it had more to do with that they were good friends.

Severus smiled wryly, who would have thought he would have a colleague that was actually a friend? Certainly not him. The problem with being friends with people that you work with, Severus thought with amusement, was that he was such a harsh critic that it invariable got underneath other people's skin to the degree they couldn't get along with him anymore. He still considered it _their _fault for being so thinned skinned though. 

"You look terrible," Severus stated honestly, feeling no need to be anything less than truthful. 

Harry smiled a bit. "You look good." 

Severus scowled, inwardly pleased that Sebastian hadn't taken his brutal honesty badly, then again Sebastian wouldn't have been able to work with him in the potions laboratory if he wasn't able to take cutting commentary. He was also secretly delighted, though he would be hard pressed to say so, that Sebastian had said that he looked good. He had actually washed his hair today without using a spell. There was noticeably less grease. The prat better enjoy it, he had done it for him. 

"What's wrong?" Severus asked, thinking it was best to get to the point. "You don't look this bad every day." 

Harry chuckled. "I would hope not." 

"So what's wrong?" Severus prodded. 

Harry sighed. It wasn't like Severus didn't know that he was from the future. Only Severus and Albus knew he was from 8 years hence. There were still some details he had left out, like the fact that he was Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the figure they were still searching frantically for. But mostly, they knew the full story as anyone could know it and not get a terrible headache. 

He really ought to tell Severus. He had gone down to the Dungeons with the intention of telling Severus about his dilemma. He really didn't know what to do. He knew what was going to happen, but he was afraid if he changed the St. Mungo's catastrophe, he wouldn't know when Voldemort would strike Hogwarts. As important as St. Mungo's was, Harry still considered Hogwarts far more important. Hogwarts held the future generations. 

"St. Mungo's is going to be attacked by You Know Who." 

"Is that what you were stressing yourself over all day?" Severus queried, not lightly but not with such severity as the situation would normally warrant. Severus knew something that he didn't, Harry knew it. Had things already changed then from what the future Severus had detailed in the journals? Oh fuck, if so. "Because the Dark Lord _was_ going to attack, but he has decided not to. Do you know why?" 

Harry shook his head. "Why?" 

"Because of you." 

Harry felt his back go ramrod stiff. 

"The Dark Lord wants to recruit you." 

Harry closed his eyes. 

"And he believes that attacking St. Mungo's to destroy it would offend you since he plans to make you an offer to rise you to the status of Head Mediwizard of Great Britain if you join the Death Eater ranks," Severus murmured, watching Sebastian carefully to see his reaction. There was nothing alarming about his response, though perhaps it was not totally what Severus expected. "He plans to approach you soon." 

"What would _he_ want with a Mediwizard?" 

"As much as you would like to believe that you've kept your other skills hidden," Severus remarked, "things have been told to him about your abilities that make you far more desirable to him than your mere medimagic capabilities." 

"Like what?"

"Your potions ability." 

"I am not a Potions Master though," Harry protested.

"True," Severus agreed, "but there's a lot more you can do, more difficult and obscure potions that can be made if there are two people that are proficient at potions working together. Up 'til now I've been able to avoid brewing them by stating that it was impossible, and I do know that there are some potions that he desperately wants to make. Such as the one that will restore him into a more human like body than the one he currently occupies since it is suppose to confer physical beauty, and theoretically speaking it should make him less unappealing as he is now." 

"Still… there are others that he could have gotten."

"None that I would have worked with," Severus remarked, "and none that show your aptitude." 

"Dumbledore wants another spy," Harry stated wearily. 

"We need another spy," Severus stated. "Dumbledore knows this, but I didn't think it was prudent. I'm warning you to refuse him, no matter how good it will help our cause like Dumbledore says." 

"I can't even if I wanted to," Harry responded, he had already been marked by one Voldemort, he couldn't be marked by both. _His _Voldemort would be furious. And as much as he might dislike his Voldemort, there was nothing like the hate he had for this Voldemort. At least his Voldemort had somewhat of a heart, this Voldemort showed nothing at all. He was a despicable snake. 

"When will Dumbledore approach me?" 

"Sometime this week," Severus remarked. "I was going to tell you tomorrow when we met at the laboratory, but here was as good of a time as any and it'll get your mind off of stressing over St. Mungo's. St. Mungo's is safe for now." 

"But it won't be if I refuse him." 

Severus sighed. "Probably not." 

* * *

The next morning came quickly, but not quickly enough for Draco Black Malfoy. He knew the offer for the apprenticeship was coming. While he had informally accepted it, he still needed to officially accept it by returning his acceptance in formal writing once he'd gotten the offer. Last night had seemed to drag on forever until it was finally time for breakfast. Hopefully the mail would arrive promptly. And if he was lucky, he would be able to make his response before classes even started. 

Parkinson, the annoying bitch had asked him if something was wrong since he looked rather tired today. Of course, he was tired. He had stayed up all night _anticipating _Professor Biggerstaff's offer. He could only hope that the offer included living with the Professor in his personal quarters. Just thinking about catching the Professor in intimate circumstances had him half hard. If he only thought about it a little bit more, he would be fully aroused and Parkinson would think it was for her. Draco sneered inwardly in disgust. 

"The mail's coming," Goyle remarked, always feeling like he had to state the obvious. 

Draco rolled his eyes, but he was too anxious with hoping to see an owl wing his way to bother snapping at Goyle for being such a blatant fool. He sighed with relief when he noticed one of the typical Hogwarts barn owls, an unflattering shade of brown swooping down to drop a heavy parchment in front of him. He licked his lips with anticipation as he saw most of the eyes of the Slytherin table rest on him. Everyone knew what a parchment of that size from a Hogwarts owl meant. It didn't hurt either that there was the black basilisk seal that was _the_ trademark of Professor Sebastian Biggerstaff. 

He carefully tore open the seal, thinking once again that it was curious that the mediwizard's seal was a basilisk. That was a decidedly Slytherin type seal. Whatever, his silvery eyes quickly scanned over the rudimentary greeting and down to the terms where his attempt to squelch his hard-on proved a dismal failure when he read: _You have the option of living in my quarters with me, which will be magically expanded to accommodate you or you may live somewhere else as long as it is within easy commuting distance to Hogwarts._ As if he would NOT choose to live near Sebastian. 

Draco was so caught up in reading and re-reading that particular part of the offer that it wasn't until Parkinson jabbed him hard in the elbow that he glanced up. "Granger got an offer from Professor Biggerstaff too," Parkinson hissed like a medusa. "I thought Professors only handed out one apprenticeship every few years. Why is he handing out two?" 

He felt coldness in his heart as he turned his gaze to where Hermione was reading the offer with every bit the focused intent that he had given it, despite the numerous other parchments that rested near her arm. She had gotten other offers, of course as the Head Girl and the brain of their class. He also had gotten another offer, from Professor Snape--- which was rather expected. He didn't need to read it to know the conditions it would contain. He suspected he knew it by heart. After all, hadn't his family been planning for his apprenticeship with his godfather since he started Hogwarts?

It disgusted him the ruckus the stupid prats were making. The exuberant Gryffindor table was cheering and congratulating her at all her outstanding offers. Draco's narrowed gaze shifted to the head table where Professor Biggerstaff sat near the end of the table next to his godfather, Professor Snape. What game was Biggerstaff playing? Offering to both of them? He'd be damned if he had to work with Hermione. It would be just his luck if she _didn't_ accept another offer. 

* * *

"You can't be seriously thinking of accepting this offer," Ron needled as he walked with Hermione down the hallway back to the Gryffindor Tower so that she could drop off all her apprenticeship offers. "I mean, you've got a great offer from both McGonagall and Flitwick." 

"True," Hermione murmured, "but Professor Biggerstaff has offered to tutor me in any other subject matter that I would be interested in and I get to learn medimagic as well. You know how fascinated I am by the subject." 

Ron snorted. In his real opinion, he thought that Hermione was far too interested in the subject. As irritating as it had been in the earlier days to hear her quote verbatim from _Hogwarts, A History_ it was far more annoying to hear her prattle on and on about mediimagic theory. "What if Draco accepts it as well?" he remarked instead. "You would have to work with him." 

Hermione smiled. "I don't think he'll accept." 

"Why not?" Ron countered. "He is one of the best students in the class, and he even gets better marks than you do." 

"Because," Hermione responded sweetly, "can you really imagine Professor Snape offering to someone and them not accepting it? He hasn't offered an apprenticeship to anyone ever in his interim as a Professor at Hogwarts. It's a huge honor, and that is quite a pureblood boon. Besides, it's quite a slap in Draco's face to get an offer from Professor Biggerstaff that a muggleborn has also wrung an offer from." 

Ron grumbled. 

"I could learn both Charms and Defense against the Dark Arts from him, Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "I've heard he's wonderful in both." 

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered. "But you are really good at Transfiguration, Hermione." 

She bit her lip. That was quite true. McGonagall had promised in her offer to help her become an Animagus within the apprenticeship. And the fact was, she had the suspicion she was better at Transfiguration right now than Professor Biggerstaff was. She would lose that, but she was still hoping that her Head of House would still be willing to guide her through the process of being an Animagus even if she refused McGonagall's offer. 

"I know," she whispered. 

"You are the best in the school," Ron remarked. "Do you really want to give that up?" He reached out and caressed her cheek. "It's your gift, Hermione. It's a wonderful gift," he murmured. "It would make you a brilliant Auror." 

Hermione sighed and turned away. "Who says I want to be an Auror?" 

"You've always wanted to be one," he insisted. 

She shook her head. "It was only you… and Harry." 

* * *

He was holding the acceptance letter. Despite the fact that the pesky and annoying Granger girl had gotten an offer out of Professor Biggerstaff, he doubted that she would accept it. Why should she? She had other offers, other far better offers. Why accept the offer from a mere mediwizard when she could accept one from a dueling champion like Flitwick or her Head of House, McGonagall? 

Draco nodded politely to the portrait that was stationed outside of Professor Biggerstaff's office and asked, "May I speak to Professor Biggerstaff?" 

"In a moment," came the polite response as the portrait went to check to make sure that the Professor was willing to see his student. The portrait's occupant returned and smiled. "Professor Biggerstaff will see you." 

The portrait swung open and Draco entered into the office. "Professor?" 

"Come in, come in," Harry murmured. "Are you here to drop off your offer?" 

"Yes," Draco answered. He handed the parchment to Sebastian. "I've accepted." 

Harry smiled. "I'm glad." 

Draco grinned back. Sebastian was so fucking gorgeous. "I'm honored that you made the offer." 

"I'm overwhelmed you chose me over your godfather," Harry murmured. "It may cause a few hard words between us, but I hope that it won't unsettle our friendship." 

"Severus isn't like that," Draco retorted. "If he's upset at anyone, it'll be from me. But he ought to know that I am not going to make a good potions student. If he should have offered for anyone, it should have been Granger. I'm not even his second best student." 

"But Professor Snape does have other talents," Harry remarked. "He is a brilliant defense theorist and he would have taught you that… as well as the dark arts." 

"Which," Draco added softly, "wouldn't be sanctioned at Hogwarts." 

Harry sighed. "Which is a pity since one must know what one is fighting against." 

Draco's head snapped toward his Professor. Was it possible that the most perfectly beautiful man saw that the dark arts weren't so bad? Could it be that Sebastian was even more perfect than Draco had thought possible? "You understand that not all the dark arts are evil?" 

"Didn't you read the offer carefully?" Harry murmured. "I did offer to instruct you in it." 

Draco blushed lightly. He had skimmed the rest after reading the _possibility _of living in Professor Biggerstaff's personal quarters. "I skimmed it. I knew I'd accept it after you told me yesterday." 

Harry nodded. "I was hoping that you would." 

"You knew that I would," Draco whispered.

"Yes." 

Draco bit down on his bottom lip. "Then why did you offer for Hermione Granger?" 

"Because," Harry responded carefully, "she is very talented and I would like to cultivate that." 

"Do you really think she'll accept your offer?" 

Harry shrugged. "I have no idea." 

Draco hoped she didn't. 

* * *

"Professor McGonagall?" Hermione queried. "You wanted to speak to me?" 

"Yes," Minerva remarked, smiling at her best pupil and the most talented student she had had in a long time… ever since James Potter, "please come in and sit down Hermione." Hermione walked into the room and sat down where her Head of House gestured. Once Hermione was seated, Minerva began by saying, "You realize that you are one of the most brilliant students to pass through the walls of Hogwarts in a long time." 

Hermione nodded, but she kept thinking in the back of her head that the only reason she was, was because Harry was no longer there. Just thinking about Harry made her eyes tear up. It was so hard and it had been so long and still they couldn't find where Harry had disappeared to! "Thank you," Hermione whispered. 

"You are the most talented student in Transfiguration since James Potter, and you know what he accomplished while he was still in school," Minerva remarked. "I would daresay you know far more theory than he did and are far more well versed in Transfiguration despite the fact he was an Animagus. I understand that you have received an offer from Professor Biggerstaff to be trained to be a mediwitch, and while I think you would make a fabulous mediwitch… I don't think you should give up what you are truly gifted in." 

"Professor McGonagall?" 

"All that I'm saying," Minerva continued, "is that I will understand if you do not decide to accept my offer. Professor Biggerstaff's offer is quite a good one and he is quite the talented wizard. I have no doubt that you will learn a lot from him. I just hope that you will consider my offer on equal grounds with him. If you become his apprentice, there is no viable way for you to train to become an Animagus at least for several years because after training for the MEDs, you will need to take additional instruction at St. Mungo's. James Potter's success was rather dumb luck, and I'm rather relieved they didn't permanently damage themselves. I," she muttered, "am still amazed that Pettigrew didn't splice himself." 

Hermione chuckled because she understood where McGonagall was coming from. Peter Pettigrew wasn't the type of wizard that you'd think would make an Animagus. Then again, he did relate rather well to the animal form that he was, and that had probably helped him to take on that form. Hermione was curious on what her form would be, but she wouldn't know what it was until she actually started training to be an Animagus. 

"Please consider my offer. You are the best I've seen in a long time." 

Hermione bit down on her bottom lip. She realized that. The question was… what did she want? 

* * *

_I am sorry. I cannot accept your offer._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Hermione Granger._

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm sick again. Why do I always get sick when I'm about to have major tests? I'm cursed, I swear. I love you guys, you make writing all worthwhile. I'll response next time to the reviews, but they've been awesome (especially all the encouraging stuff on the mailing list!) Thank you sooooo much! Keep it up and I'll write more, I swear. ^_^.

Go review.

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	5. The Malfoys

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING  
**by Yih

beta'd by Blackumbrage.

Severus/Sebastian Note: Their relationship will be progressing after this chapter… so stay tune. J. 

* * *

5: **The Malfoys** (April 27, 2004 to May 6, 2004)

"What did you do to my son?" Lucius Malfoy made quite the figure bursting into his office in his full dress robes. "I asked you, what did you do to my son to make him accept your offer and not Severus's?" 

"Maybe," Harry responded softly, "he liked my offer better."

"I have read your offer," Lucius sneered, "and it is hardly anything." 

"But perhaps Draco thinks it is." 

"It is Draco, now is it?" Lucius's eyes narrowed calculatingly as his gaze swept over the rather attractive young man. Well, so here was the Professor that Draco had been raving about all semester. He did cut quite a nice figure, didn't he? Malfoys did appreciate beauty, but what Lucius didn't appreciate was Draco's tendency to migrate toward the male sex. Draco was a Malfoy and Malfoys did their duty, and Draco's duty was to marry a pureblood witch and provide the next Malfoy heir. 

"There are things," he murmured darkly, threateningly, "that can be taken out of context," for he was sure that Draco and this Professor Biggerstaff had nothing in relationship yet, "that could prove to be quite detrimental to your teaching career. Do you understand me?" Biggerstaff merely looked at him in such a way that it made Lucius even more furious. The man looked positively indifferent! How infuriating! "And as a Malfoy, I could make things very difficult for you."

"Of that," Harry responded calmly, "I have no doubt. But you forget, _Mr. Malfoy_," he stressed deliberately, "you have not any circumstantial information at your disposal to wield over me and I would doubt you would be able to get any that isn't forged." 

"That confident in your infallible behavior?" 

"More like," Harry murmured, "confident in my abilities to keep any prying ears or eyes out of my personal chambers." 

"I still think," Lucious retorted, "that you must have Draco bewitched for him to _refuse _his own godfather's offer. Draco has been waiting for Severus's apprenticeship since he first started Hogwarts. He was to be the first Potions apprentice at Hogwarts since Severus himself! You must have done something to change Draco's decision like that!" 

"Maybe, he just discovered something he liked better." 

"I doubt anything is as simple as that," he muttered darkly. 

"Then you'd best ask Draco then," Harry murmured, "because I have no idea. And I will tell you this; I have done nothing that would allow you to get into my office with your present state of accusation." 

Lucius drew himself up to his full height, knowing very well that he wouldn't be able to get anything more out of Biggerstaff. He had done small probes against Biggerstaff and had been quite alarmed to find that what he thought were invisible touches were very much sensed by Biggerstaff. Now he fully understood why his Lord was so eager to recruit Biggerstaff into their midst. If Biggerstaff did become a Death Eater, it would be more permissible for Draco to be his apprentice… but still… Biggerstaff's apprentice? The man had no name! What was Draco thinking? And mediwizardry? Was Draco insane? 

"Please… leave." 

Lucius narrowed his silvery eyes, but he knew he was beat and it would be humiliating to be forced out of Biggerstaff's office. He could feel the power that was emanating from the medimagic Professor and it was heady stuff. It almost felt like the same aura that he felt emitted from his Lord. But… that couldn't be the case, no wizard alive could be as strong as his Lord. No wizard! And yet… was it possible? No one knew anything about Sebastian Biggerstaff and no Malfoy ever aligned himself with weakness. Maybe Draco had stumbled on to something after all. This did bear more investigation. 

"Now." 

"Good day, Professor Biggerstaff," Lucius murmured. 

"Good day, Mr. Malfoy."

* * *

"Father," Draco greeted reservedly. 

Lucius stared at his son none too pleased with the way things were turning out. Even though Sebastian Biggerstaff might be a powerful wizard, indeed he might be nearly as strong as his Lord--- he would still feel better if Draco would have gone with the plan that had been set up previously. After all, it did put a glitch in things. Lucius could only hope that it wouldn't displease his Lord. That was important.

"I am going to be Professor Biggerstaff's apprentice." 

Lucius was annoyed and impressed that his son was disobeying him. It was rare to see Draco go against him. Actually Lucius couldn't remember a time when Draco had ever gone against him. It was good to see his son finally standing up for himself, but Lucius wished it wasn't such a breaking issue like this one. He doubted that his Lord was going to be pleased. If anything, his Lord had made it clear that he wanted his future Death Eaters to be trained by the current Death Eaters. He wanted complete segregation. 

If Hogwarts wasn't the best school to learn magic, Lucius had no doubt that Draco wouldn't even be there--- along with all the other Death Eater children. Lucius shuddered, Merlin only knew how his Lord was going to react to this news. It could go either way. He wasn't really sure. The Dark Lord wasn't really stable in the mind anymore, but there was no denying that he was _the _most powerful wizard in existence. Hadn't he proven it by getting rid of his nemesis, Harry Potter? 

"And what if our Lord," Lucius began, "does not like the idea?" 

Draco gulped down harshly. "Then our Lord will have to deal with it." 

"Brave words or very foolish words, son." 

"This is my life, father." 

"It is," Lucius agreed. "That it is." 

"I won't back down." 

"But what if you have to?" 

"I won't," Draco stated firmly, his eyes holding steady in a way that Lucius had never seen before. It made him proud, though outwardly he appeared to be annoyed. It wouldn't do to encourage youthful rebellion would it? Definitely not. That would not be good. And what would Narcissa say? Ah… that he was such a bad influence on their son. "I won't back down." 

"I speak with our Lord today," Lucius murmured. "Is that what you want me to relay on to him?" 

Draco seemed to waver for a second but then he nodded. "Yes, that is what I wish you to tell him." 

"Very well, then." 

* * *

Voldemort, when he had found out that Draco was set on being Sebastian Biggerstaff's apprentice, wasn't as upset as Lucius feared he would be. Instead, a crimson gleam had overcome him. He was up to something. Lucius may not approve of what his son was doing, but he definitely didn't want any harm to come to Draco. Draco was his son, if there was anyone that was going to get upset at Draco--- it was damn well going to be him. 

"That is surprising news," Voldemort declared. "I would have thought that Draco would have wanted to be Severus's apprentice. That has been what you have been grooming him for the past years haven't you? I remember you commissioning the best Potions Master from France to come and tutor your son in the summer in Potions so that he would be perfect for Severus. He is quite the Potions student, is he not?" 

"He is good," Lucius phrased carefully. "He is certainly the best in his House but he is not the best student at Hogwarts. I believe a mudblood witch and some Ravenclaw student are making better marks than he is." 

"Nonetheless, Draco is a talented wizard and a worthy heir of the Malfoy name and fortune." 

"I do hope so, my Lord." Lucius bowed his head down respectfully. 

"And it isn't terrible that he wants to be Sebastian Biggerstaff's apprentice. I believe good things may come from this alliance." Lucius held his breath. What did Voldemort want? His Lord was so volatile in his moods that it was _difficult _to tell when he was in a sane or in a crazy mood. "Draco is quite beautiful, is he not?" Lucius bit his tongue and nodded. "Like all Malfoys, am I not right?" 

"You are right, my Lord." 

"I want him to seduce Biggerstaff to our side," Voldemort murmured darkly. "I want him to bring Biggerstaff to our side. Think, with a wizard like Biggerstaff on our side, I will finally be able to break the wards of Hogwarts!" 

His Lord was crazy. No one could take down the wards of Hogwarts, not without gathering the four heirs of the four Founders. It was impossible since the Ravenclaw line had died out centuries ago and Merlin knew where the Hufflepuff line was. Somewhere in Russia or Eastern Europe. As for the Gryffindor line, well, Potter had been rumored to be the Gryffindor heir, but that was preposterous speculation. It couldn't be true. The only known heir was Voldemort, the heir of Salazar Slytherin. 

"And what if Biggerstaff is not attracted to my son?" 

"You have some veela blood in your line," Voldemort whispered harshly. "Use the seductive power that all veelas are known to have to your advantage. You can get a withered old man to have an erection, I'm sure Draco can seduce a virile young man like Biggerstaff with minimal effort." 

"You overestimate the power of our diluted Veelan blood," Lucius said carefully. "It is not that strong, and it has been further diluted in Draco. Narcissa has no Veela blood, and both my parents had some. That is why I have some influence." 

"If your son cannot, then I expect you to." 

Lucius gulped down harshly. For Merlin's sake he wasn't attracted to men! "Yes, my Lord." But it wasn't like he could deny his Lord's request without meeting the certainty of death. It was hardly a good thing to try to plot against a madman. No, it was certain suicide if he did. "I will do as you ask." 

"You may leave, Lucius." 

"Thank you, my Lord." 

Lucius turned to leave but he stopped suddenly when he heard Voldemort's voice say, "Remember, I am not a patient wizard." 

"I will do your bidding as fast as I can." 

"Make sure that you do." 

* * *

It was difficult for Draco to be in Sebastian Biggerstaff's presence without feeling slightly aroused. Thank god, he had gotten better at controlling it recently. If he hadn't, he'd have a full blown erection right now. What was it about being in Sebastian's private chambers and the Professor wearing far too few clothes than what was good for him? Egads, the man was only clad in a shirt that was partially unbuttoned--- enough to show his muscular chest. Draco gulped down harshly, thinking how good it would be to run his tongue over those dusky nipples he had seen. 

"Please sit," Sebastian murmured, gesturing to the two chairs that were over in the corner of the room. "We have much to discuss about your apprenticeship." 

Draco nodded and sat down, thankful that he was wearing his full school robes that hid the beginnings of his arousal quite well. Even if he did get a full blown arousal, if he arranged his robes the right way, Sebastian would notice nothing. "What did you want to discuss, Professor?" 

"Your living situation, as well as what further instruction you'd like that I had proposed in my offer." 

"I don't care about the living situation, whatever is the most convenient for you." Well, he did care a lot about it, but he wanted to seem not to care. And he knew if he said this that Sebastian would propose then that he live in his quarters with him. Draco was sure the only reason that Sebastian had offered to accommodate him in separate quarters was because he was a Malfoy and was used to having his own living space. Typically, he would have wanted that. If he had been apprenticed with Professor Snape, he certainly would have demanded it but this was Sebastian Biggerstaff and the possibility of catching his Professor half naked made his fantasies. 

"Then you don't mind staying and sharing my quarters with me?" Sebastian questioned lightly. "It would be more convenient, especially as you will be my only apprentice this year." 

"Mud…" Draco caught himself, seeing the irritated look coming into Sebastian's face, "Granger said no?" He knew very well that Sebastian did not tolerate house prejudices. It was probably because he hadn't gone to school at Hogwarts and didn't understand them. Whatever the case, Sebastian reacted badly to anyone showing house prejudices, but it wasn't only directed in favor of Gryffindor like Dumbledore but also to Slytherin. Other than Professor Snape, Sebastian was the only Professor to be openly kind to Slytherins. 

"She declined, yes," Sebastian responded. "I believe that she accepted Professor McGonagall's apprenticeship."

"I thought she'd say yes," Draco muttered, feeling a burst of joy going out in his heart that Hermione had said no. Now he had Sebastian all to himself! He wouldn't have felt comfortable trying to seduce Sebastian in their private sessions with Hermione's all too insightful eyes on them. But if she wasn't there… he was definitely fair game now that he was no longer Sebastian's student. 

"I was not as confident as you."

Draco felt stung. Was he then only a second choice? A safety?

"But I am glad that you said yes," Sebastian continued. "I feel you are the more gifted student." 

Draco blushed. How could he ever have doubted Sebastian?

"So, what else would you like to learn when I mentally drain all the love of medimagic out of you?" 

Draco glanced up and felt his insides burn at the intensity of Sebastian's gaze. "I would like to learn Charms and… the Dark Arts." 

Sebastian grinned knowingly. "I thought as much." Sebastian stood up and gestured for Draco to do the same. "You had best be getting back to your dorm room, Head Boy, or I'm sure gossip will be running amok around Hogwarts about our illicit affair." 

Draco smiled back and inside only wished whatever gossip might be going around was true.

* * *

Draco had expected a howler from his father, but instead what he got at breakfast the next day was something quite different. It was a letter from his father, no doubt, he recognized the elegant scrawling handwriting immediately. But it wasn't red like howlers usually were. He felt reasonably safe to open it up in the Great Hall even though it was possible that his father had done something to disguise that this was in fact a howler. 

He sighed with relief when the letter fell limply to the table. Definitely not a howler, but if it had been a howler it would have started unwrapping itself and would have already given in to the tirade. He paused and opened the letter with cautious fingers and started reading the letter:

_Draco__,_

_I am sure you were expecting a howler, but it seems our Lord isn't as upset with you as I thought he would be. Instead, he is not unhappy that Sebastian Biggerstaff has offered you an apprenticeship. Actually, I think he is pleased. I had an opportunity to visit your Professor yesterday, so I can understand the interest that our Lord shows in him. Our Lord has a request for you and he desires for you to fulfill it as soon as possible. _

_Do not fail me, Draco. You are a Malfoy and Malfoys do not fail. _

_What our Lord wants from you is for you to seduce Sebastian Biggerstaff to our side. He mentioned using your inherited veelan persuasive skills, but for all that I know--- you have none. You do have the natural veelan beauty though, and that is not something to be taken lightly. Even if you don't have the ability to make Sebastian Biggerstaff pant in lust, I'm sure you know of human tricks to get him into your bed and to crawl your way into his heart. _

_You know our Lord isn't a patient man, so I would get started as soon as you can. You have my permission to use any resources that you need to succeed. Whatever __Malfoy__Mansion__ can offer in the way of books or spells or money or power will be at your disposal. As I have already said, Malfoys do not fail. So fail me not, son._

_Yours,_

_Lucius__ Malfoy_

That was unexpected. The Dark Lord wanted him to seduce Sebastian Biggerstaff to their side. He had gotten approval from his father to pursue a homosexual relationship. Good Merlin, his Malfoy ancestors must be rolling in their graves. It was unheard for a Malfoy to be openly homosexual. Surely, if he felt the attraction to Sebastian--- there had to be a Malfoy previously that had felt the tendency. But never, never openly. It just wasn't something that was done. 

But now he was being commanded and by all that was magically holy, he wanted Sebastian to be his. Draco's eyes skimmed over to the Head table where the Professors were eating and chatting in the morning. His eyes narrowed into slits when he saw Sebastian lean over to whisper something into Severus's ear. Those two were rather closer, weren't they? That might be to his advantage, Draco reflected. He could use his godfather to discover more about Sebastian. He was sure he could get his godfather to tell him more about Sebastian. Severus had never been able to say no to him. 

Draco glanced down at the letter one more time, before crumbling it into a ball and setting it afire with _incendio__. _He knew that was what his father expected him to do with the letter. While the Malfoys might be allied with the Dark Lord, it still wasn't something that was openly declared in public. It was something that was known by those that were deep on the Light side, but for those that were more neutral than anything--- well what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. There was no need to make this public knowledge, and there was no reason for Sebastian to know that there might be an ulterior motive to this seduction.

He had planned on seducing Sebastian anyway, having his father's approval only made it that much easier. 

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yeah, I got this out fairly quickly. I think this story is coming along very well. I'm not sick anymore! And my bf is in HK, so that means I have plenty of time to write while he's gone for the month of May. However, my cousin and he both come to Houston late May so --;; forgive me if I don't release anything in that little week span. But I should have chapters prepared. Don't you LOVE summer? Also it'd be great if you could answer some of my questions in your reviews.

Oh yeah, did pretty bad on my finals soooooo… --;; god I hope it's better than I fear. Chem was about 10 pts lower than I expected but that's not too bad. But I'm skimming between a B and B- right now and that really sucks if I miss the cut by 5 points. 10 pts (out of 250 that the final is worth). I made a D on the final but my other exams were C's and my lab grade was an A- and my hw was an A- too so that covered my ass. I'm still waiting for my 2 English classes (one of which I suspect will be an A- and the other I pray is an A), Biology (probably B, hopefully A- as I'm working for that Professor this summer), Biolab (hopefully I kept my B, don't want a B-), and Differential Equations (hopefully a B, but I failed that final miserably). 

Not exactly what you expected a writer to take as classes eh? -- I take a creative writing class next semester! Yay! Oh yeah, this has been a long Author's Note… BUT I'm back for the summer and I don't go back 'til late August so I'll definitely finish _Fallen_ and _Love Atrocious _during the span and get a load of POB done. 

**Chapter Length Note:** I will be keeping chapters shorter until well… I feel like I can update the 4,000 to 5,000 length consistently. Let me just say, it's far easier to finish a chapter when you set out to write 3,000 and write exactly 3,000. It's harder to write the longer lengths, b/c the spacing of scenes and the number of scenes have to be done differently. I also always have to end on a good note and most of the time it's easier when the chapter is shorter. Anyhow, it's no shorter than Fallen nor the beginning of MOP. Chapters will get longer like they did in MOP and this story is going to be at least as long as MOP and will start to introduce new creative things like MOP did ;) and I'm going to finally touch on the subject of blood magic! 

**Questions**: (1) Lucius/Sebastian interaction? (2) Draco's seduction plan? (3) And what the hell… a little veela blood in the Malfoy lines… who ever would have thought that?

Thanks for all your WONDERFUL reviews and support last time (_I thought you all had abandoned me and I'm glad to see that that's not the case_): **walker-of-the-shadow-path **(good guess!), Mayhem El-Diablo, **Tracy Mintzmyer (**getting sick always makes me feel terrible, but it never keeps me from writing too long), **Ruth** (glad the timeline helped), **TigerBlak** (glad you like the characterizations), **Alucardou** (yeah I think you're right about stress and exams, I've been sick for all my exams these past 2 months and that hasn't been good), ShadowQuirk, latin-freak, Al, AutumnBitch, Dracolover411, HecateDeMort, Korinna Myorin, keebler-elmo, PxW, **GY** (Harry's in denial which is why this Severus is trying to reach him and Harry keeps pushing him away), Jazz, **marishamarish** (light draco smut), Sky, **Naia** (thanks), **Irin** (I stopped b/c I reached my 3,000 word limit, aren't I evil? Sometimes word count makes the best cliffhangers.), The angelic vampire, atalante, **CassaAndra** (Oh Draco definitely has an obsessive complex about Sebastian), Robbly, darkess-knight, **Freya**** Elise Raine (**thanks for the defense and recommendation), **aryth** (the gradual ride will be stepping up… thanks to???), **deliolith** (oh yeah that line you mentioned was great), menecarkawan, Shuki – aka Quickjewel, sabriel-chan, athenakitty. 


	6. The Manipulations

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING**  
by Yih

beta'd by Blackumbrage.

CURIOSITY: How many of the _MALE SEX_ actually read this? Just wondering b/c I got an email from a male reader and I was impressed that I could write well enough that a guy would read this ;;.

* * *

6: **The Manipulations**

To set his plans for the seduction of Sebastian Biggerstaff into motion, Draco needed to land detention with the Professor. It was perfect, _the idea_, at least, but it was not easy to get detention with the Mediwizard Professor. A notorious precedent for detentions dealt out by Professor Biggerstaff was handled by Filch, and Draco had no intention whatsoever of spending detention polishing whatever knick knack that struck that squib's cruel bone.

His first three attempts to get detention had ended up with him losing 40 points for his house and getting shot nasty looks by Blaise and Pansy before he had given up for that class period. He didn't want to be too obvious about it, but what was it going to take to get a bloody detention? It wasn't like potions where he could blow up a cauldron or something, not that he would get detention for something like that… but accidents simply didn't happen in a lecture based class. But… Draco's eyes narrowed in calculation, there was the Weasel in the class and he knew how much Professor Biggerstaff despised house prejudices.

He had been very good about not insulting the red-headed loser in Professor Biggerstaff's class because he'd known that was not the way to get on Sebastian's good side. Well, he still did want to be on Sebastian's good side, unfortunately if Sebastian wasn't going to cooperate with his plans--- he had no choice but to insult the irritating Weasel. Draco's lips curved up into a smile of deliberate arrogance. He knew exactly where to prick the tomato head where it would get the juiciest response.

"I see," Draco drawled, putting all the Malfoy superiority into his tone, "that the Gryffindorks have turned to you now for guidance now that the bloody Harry Potter is gone. Does it make you feel better that you are finally in the spotlight only because the Golden Boy has disappeared and that by default the Gryffindorks must turn to the most foolish and stupid not to mention the poorest one in your entire house? You've become the leader, Weasel, congratulations to the only success you can have and you have it only because your best friend has conveniently vanished, eh?"

It was too easy to get the trademark Weasley temper up, Draco thought. It was child's play. He didn't even have to count to three before the Weasel exploded, his hands clenching into a fist as if he wanted to punch the guts out of him for the insults. Why did the stupid prat always think with physical violence before using the magic that was inherent in him? It didn't make sense to Draco. Draco always thought with his wand first. His lips curled up into a smirk for it _was quite true. _

"You bloody git!" Ron cursed. "Do you have any sense of decency in you? Do you Ferret boy? You have always ragged on Harry. Do you get it, he's gone, damn it! He may never come back! Do you understand how much it bloody hurts to know that? I would give anything to have him back. Do you even know what it is like to have a _real friend_ you slimy stinky Slytherin… Slytherin…"

"Lacking on the insults, tomato face?" Draco retorted casually, his voice lined with an icy edge that betrayed nothing. Inside he was reeling from what the Weasel had about him. It wasn't like this insulting Harry business was anything truly personal. It was what was done. The Gryffindors and Slytherins had always been mortal enemies. Didn't the brain dead fart face understand? It was a ruddy act! "But it's not so surprising with your lack of intellectual prowess. You depend on your mudblood girlfriend for your academic lacking, eh?"

It seemed he had gravely underestimated the damage Ron Weasley could cause when he felt the Weasel's fist connect with nose in a bone breaking punch. What made it worse was that he hadn't been expecting it. That coupled with the Weasel showing incredible speed with his attack and his tardiness of reflexes… found Draco laid out on the floor outside the medimagic classroom with a severely broken nose that was causing him to bleed like a pig. Fuck, his nose had been perfect and now it was ruined.

And _damn it all to hell_ Sebastian hadn't even been there to give him detention yet. What a waste.

* * *

His head was pounding and he hadn't even gotten drunk on fire whiskey, Draco thought with a groan. He opened his eyes and was confronted by glaring white walls that had to be from the hospital ward. Fucking fabulous, he cursed, he was in the realm of Poppy's domain. There was nothing worse than having to be sick and having her cluck over you like a mother hen. But he hadn't ended up here because he'd gotten sick; he'd gotten here by the aid of the Weasel's fist. He was never going to hear the end of her reprimanding him for starting a fight and ending up in the hospital ward.

"So you're awake."

Draco knew who that voice was. His gray eyes slide to the side and he was met with the vision that was Sebastian Biggerstaff. It made the aching head he felt that was rooted in his nose all the worthwhile, even though his favorite Professor was glaring at him with a none too pleased expression. It was okay though, he could deal with the glaring as long as the attention was focused on him.

"You know how I feel about house prejudices," Sebastian remarked sharply, "and yet you still persist to show how petty and ignorant you are. I had serious thoughts reconsidering you as my apprentice because of that." Draco felt a sense of panic rising in him. He had never meant to jeopardize that, only to get Sebastian to give him a detention! That was all! "But Severus convinced me that I ought not to ask rashly like a Gryffindor, and thus you will still be my apprentice. However, if I see any behavior like you've demonstrated today again I will heavily reconsider taking you on as an apprentice."

"I understand," Draco whispered hoarsely, relief flowing like a flood through his system at the idea that he had come that close to losing what he had wanted for so long. He had to be more careful next time; he couldn't risk upsetting Sebastian enough to make him recant his offer to him to make him his apprentice. "I apologize."

"Don't apologize to me," Sebastian replied dryly, "but you will need to make an apology to Ron Weasley."

Like he ever would! It wasn't like he hadn't said anything that wasn't true, and he was the one that had ended up in the hospital ward? Him? Apologize? That was bloody funny. Draco wanted to laugh hysterically at that mad request but his laughter died when he saw that the look on his Professor's face was dead serious. Sebastian meant it. He would have to apologize to the Weasel. Could this day get any worse?

"You also have detention with me for the next week every day."

It got worse, Draco thought dryly, but at least… he'd gotten what he'd wanted.

* * *

When Harry saw Severus approaching him for the second time that day, he had thought that Severus was coming to him to discuss Draco again. The first time had been Severus's attempt to try to show Draco's side of things. If it hadn't been for what Severus had said, he seriously had been considering re-evaluating taking Draco underneath his tutelage. It took a lot to get him to change his mind once it was made up, but to hear what Draco had said had pushed some of the wrong buttons. It also didn't help that it reminded him how different this Draco was from the Draco that was his best friend.

"I already told Draco not to do something like that again," Harry remarked, "or else I would reconsider taking him on as my apprentice. You don't have to vouch for the whole Draco has been raised as a Malfoy and that has been how Malfoys traditionally see others like the Weasley."

Severus smiled a strained smile. "That's good to hear, but that wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about."

Harry frowned. "What do you want to talk about then?"

Sending him a pointed look that it was not something to discuss in the hallways where there could be a random student that might overhear them, Harry nodded and gestured for Severus to follow him back to his private rooms since it was the closest. Once they were safely behind the basilisk portrait, who would not offer admission to anyone without the permission of her master, Severus started speaking, "Albus has requested your presence."

Harry knew that if that had been the only thing that Severus had intended to say, he wouldn't have had Harry go to a secluded area where they could talk truthfully without the fear of being overheard. "There's more you want to say," Harry whispered knowingly. "If there is, just say it."

"It's about the matter of being Albus's second spy."

Harry closed his eyes. He had known this was coming. He had thought that he'd get a few more days, but he guessed he wasn't going to get much more time to think about this. Severus had tried to warn him about this a few days ago, that Albus would be approaching him soon about this. It seemed that it didn't matter which universe he ended up in, it seemed some way or another everyone wanted him to become a Death Eater.

"He wants to approach me."

Severus nodded. "I'm supposed to convince you to do it."

"And that is why you are here?" Harry questioned lightly.

"I am here," Severus began sharply, his dark eyes pinning Harry with their intensity, "to ask you, Sebastian, what I mean to you and what you mean to me in the future."

Severus was asking this because he wanted confirmation since there was no bloody way that he didn't know what they meant to each other in the future. Harry didn't even really know what they meant to each other, not truly, though he could guess that it was something close to what Sev and he had shared in the alternate dimension. However, there had been more desperation in Severus's kiss than had ever been in Sev's embraces. Was it possible that this Severus felt more strongly than his Sev? He wanted to say that it was impossible for anyone to feel as strongly as his Sev… but it was possible. Severus Snape was a man of intense emotions.

"Don't you know?" Harry posed the telling question back softly.

"I can guess," Severus responded. "My future self gave approval of you and that only indicates to me that you were an acceptable peer to him and I have known for a long time what my preferences have been. I like men," he stated bluntly, not showing the least bit embarrassment. "And if I respected you as much as I seem to in the future, it only makes sense that I at one point considered you as a potential partner."

Analytical as always, wasn't Severus? Everything with Severus had to be logical. It had always amused him how agitated his Sev would get when things didn't add up to the variables that life had dealt. As he liked to remind Sev, life was random as hell and couldn't always be predicted by any sensible means. However, he understood the values to a spy of being able to make a prediction--- even wild ones from information available. It was probably one of the reasons _this_ Severus was a brilliant spy.

"It was more than a partnership."

Severus pressed his lips together, looking not that surprised though he did seem to be slightly uncomfortable. "Is that so?"

"Yes."

The dark eyes that Harry knew too well surveyed him slowly up and down. "I would not have thought you would be the type to like their own."

Harry chuckled. "Is there a type?"

"There is."

Harry smirked. "Do you fit the mold?" Harry countered, his eyes drinking up the sight of Severus even though it wasn't his Sev… since it was so close and so familiar all the same. He wondered, had driven himself crazy too many nights for him to count, wondering if making love to Severus would be like making love to Sev. "I would think you did not… fit the mold."

"I know I do not," Severus agreed.

"And should I then fit it for your sake?"

Severus shook his head. "No."

"That's good."

There was a silence, neither strange nor uncomfortable though Harry had felt he had allowed things to be pushed along further than they should have been. He should not have let things go this far. It would have been safer to scoff at the idea that he was gay, but he could not lie to Severus--- not even this Severus. It would be like lying his Sev, and he could not bare to do that. Not when he had vowed to always be true to him.

"I have one thing to ask you before I take you to see Albus."

"Ask it and I will answer," Harry replied graciously.

"Did I love you?"

Harry's breath caught. Of all questions, he had not been expecting that one especially from this Severus. His Sev had had a hard time admitting such feelings, but this Severus who had hated with such a passion was asking him now if he had fallen in love with his despised pupil? It was something Harry couldn't have conceived of if he hadn't spent eleven years in another universe loving a Severus that was the same and yet different.

"I don't know," Harry answered truthfully. "I think so, but you'll have to ask yourself that."

It was a moment before Severus nodded and when he spoke, he spoke not of the question but instead the business that had to be taken care of before they could even think about getting together and falling in love, "I need to take you to see Albus now, and if truth be told… I wish I did not have to."

"It's okay, I understand that you have to do this. We need every advantage."

"The price, I think, is too much at times."

* * *

The gargoyles that guarded the Headmaster's Office leapt aside when Harry and Severus approached. Harry only shook his head knowingly. Albus was always prepared for everything. The day that Albus was caught unprepared was a dark day indeed. The only time Harry had ever known Albus to be caught unaware and in ignorance had led to the dangerous coup that had let Voldemort take over the wizarding world in the alternate dimension. Harry sincerely hoped that it was not repeated here.

As much as he did not want Voldemort to reign supreme here as the Dark Lord of all of Britain, he shuddered to think of the sacrifice that they would ask of him. A small part of him wanted to believe that Voldemort would be like the Voldemort he had come to think of at times as a surrogate father. But he knew that that would never be the case. This Voldemort had been pushed down far too much for him to ever have the capacity for not being overly cruel. This Voldemort had lost balance, even as cunning and as resourceful as he was. He simply would not be a decent leader as the other Voldemort had turned out to be.

This Voldemort reminded him in some ways of that dimension's Albus. Both of them had lost some of edge of their sanity when they had been pushed to the depths of desperation. Then again, despair and suffering often did twist a person's soul into another being entirely. As much as he knew that the other Voldemort had still been inherently dark, he hadn't been sure that Albus was still inherently light.

The good thing about being back in his own world was that he had no such questions like that. As inherently dark as Voldemort was there, he had been a capable leader. To depose of him would have sent the foundations of the wizarding world to their knees in the turmoil they had only just recovered from. It was one of the reasons why he could not have killed that Voldemort, and in the end he had decided against it.

Here there were no such questions. His Voldemort had killed his parents and had tried actively to kill him. His Voldemort, he knew, was more than inherently dark. He was inherently evil as well. The other Voldemort, he hadn't been so sure, there had been some kindness--- probably the influence of having been a father. Would his Voldemort have been so malicious if he had had a daughter who worshipped the ground he tread? It was a question to think about.

Whatever the case may be, his Voldemort was evil and his Albus was good. The torn conflict of knowing who to support was easily abated. He knew he had to support Albus, and the only question was how far he wanted to go. Did he want to take up the horrible burden of becoming a Death Eater twice over? And what excuses could he make of the serpent tattoo on the back that marked him an heir of Slytherin? Damned if he knew, damned if he didn't.

"Good afternoon," Albus greeted them congenially, snapping Harry's thoughts from the inner turmoil he'd been conflicted over. "Please take a seat and would either of you like a lemon drop?"

"No thank you," Harry responded and noticed that Severus only glared at the Headmaster before taking the seat next to Harry. "What did you want to discuss with me?"

Albus's eyebrows rose slightly, not in surprise as much as in his curiosity. "Did Severus not inform you of what I wanted to approach you in this meeting about?"

"Yes, he did," Harry answered directly, "but I wanted to hear it from your own lips."

"Ah yes, direct aren't you, young man?" Harry didn't back down from the steady gaze he was holding with Albus's twinkling eyes. "Very well then," Albus murmured. "As Severus has told you already, I wanted to talk to you about becoming another spy for the Order."

"You want me to become a Death Eater," Harry stated calmly.

"To act as a spy," Albus countered, "of course."

"But still a Death Eater."

"Yes," he agreed, "there is that."

"And you think the Dark Lord would want to initiate me into his ranks?" Harry inquired softly. "I am but a mediwizard. I did not think that Dark Lords go out searching to add mediwizards into their ranks."

"There is your potions ability," Albus added, "and that you can brew potions with Severus that he would find useful." Harry already knew this for Severus had told him. "I would think that Voldemort would be very interested in adding you into his ranks. You are a very strong wizard, Sebastian Biggerstaff, any side would be lucky to count you in their ranks, mediwizard or not."

"If I choose not to?" Harry posed the question.

"Then I cannot force you," Albus responded. "It, however, would look bad if I were to mention to the rest of the members in the Order that Lucius Malfoy had visited you." Harry narrowed his eyes into blue slits. Trust Albus to know everything that went on in the castle that even Severus didn't know, it seemed Albus had managed to surprise Severus with his knowledge. Odd that Severus hadn't known why Lucius had come. As Draco's godfather and _intended_ Professor, it would have made more sense for him to know. "Some members are quite of the opinion you are quite dark, Sebastian."

"Manipulations won't work on me, Albus," Harry stated softly with the power of his ability behind his words. It was enough to cause Albus to lose the twinkle in his eyes. Harry was not about to be pushed into anything until he had made up his mind. He still didn't know if he wanted to go through with this. He hadn't decided against it yet, but he certainly hadn't decided for it either. "However, I will consider what you're saying."

That seemed to please Albus for he smiled and the twinkle was back in his eyes. "That is good. Remember that your part could make the difference in the Light prevailing over the Dark, Sebastian. Even a small gain could tip the scale to our favor. Even the smallest bit helps, even if it doesn't seem like much."

"I realize," Harry responded curtly. "It's getting near dinnertime, and I really must excuse myself to clean up for it."

Albus nodded. "Good day to you two then."

When Harry rose, Severus also followed his stead and continued mimicking his actions until they were out of the Headmaster's Office. Harry knew something was bugging Severus, it was the way that he'd gotten unbearably quiet even if the Severus in any world wasn't prone to chitchat. What was telling was the way he could feel Severus's dark eyes bore a hole through his back. "If there's something that you want to say, then say it."

"What was Lucius Malfoy doing, talking to you?"

Harry chuckled, was it only that? "He wanted to demand what I'd done to get his son to agree to apprentice to me, a nobody."

Severus blinked and then had to share in Harry's laughter. "That would be like the Lucius I know."

Harry nodded. "Indeed." That wasn't all, Harry saw. There was still something else that was bothering Severus, it was easy to see in the rigidity of his stance. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"Are you serious?" Severus bluntly asked. "Are you serious about considering joining me as a spy for the Order? Becoming a Death Eater?"

Harry didn't know how to answer him except to say, "Do you think it would help?"

And that was the real question… would the sacrifice really come to mean anything at all or would it all be done in vain?

* * *

**Author's Note:** Review and I'll update faster, how does that work? This chapter is longer than the previous 3 so be very happy. I'm gradually going to lengthen the chapters, I think, or I might not depending on the kind of response I get. Let's just put it this way, as long as I feel like there's people reading and showing their appreciation--- I'll work on this as hard as I worked on MOP, okay?

**Questions**: (1) Draco/Ron fight? (2) Sebastian/Severus interaction? (3) Predictions on Draco's detention? (4) Albus asking Sebastian to become a Death Eater?

Thanks to all the reviewers that keep me going (you don't believe how they can make my brain say… oh maybe I really ought to write more of this b/c people are nice enough to review this): DarkjamAB, Dius Corvus, **Sky** (I don't think I said Voldemort loved Harry, he loves Sahar and he cares about Harry. What I described in the dream that future Harry told present Harry to do is basically what happened and yes Limped will be incorporated into EOE if I ever go back and write it), **Mynona** (We have to get to Voldemort knowing that Sebastian doesn't want Draco first), Slash n burn, C.M. Aeris Queen of Insanity, **walker-of-the-shadow-path **(Lucius is straight in this fic), **lyress** (glad it all makes sense), **TigerBlak** (well Draco in the other 'verse initially lusted for Harry, remember the Draco/Harry kiss?), HecateDeMort, mist-chan1 (my beta appreciates your thanks), leshanar, Grey Malwell, **henriette**(haha sick mind you've got w/ the biggerstaff), **KNW** (ah yes, poor Draco in a way, but this Draco is different from the Draco that Harry knows), **Robbly** ( Lucius is totally straight in this one. Draco's veela abilities are almost nothing, but it does give him marvelous beauty), Shuki – aka Quickjewel, **Menecarkawan** (for the 3rd time, Lucius is straight), **Cassa-Andra** (Sorry about the shorter lengths of POB vs MOP/EOE, but it'll get longer as long as haha you guys keep supporting me). Marishamarish, deliolith, Lindiel Eryn, aryth, **winter** (the L/S was an introduction, there will be more btw them but not slash and your idea for Draco's veela-ish is cute), **riantlykalopsic** (well Harry never has sex with anyone so far other than Sev), keebler-elmo, AutumnBitch, athenakitty, **Kathy stgqvk** (haha Sevvie does help Draco stay in Sebastian's good graces.)


	7. The Seduction

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING**  
by Yih

Unbeta'd and all mistakes are mine. Many apologies for the delay. Beta's computer died and well… I was expecting to release LA before this but that's not going to happen.

* * *

7: **The Seduction** (June 1, 2004 to June 6, 2004)

He was uncomfortable. He should have sent Draco to Filch. Filch was much better at _maintaining the right sort of atmosphere _for detentions. He simply sucked at it. Then again, how was he supposed to be good at giving detentions when he was the sort that had been at the receiving end of them? The only awful punishments he could think of to make Draco do was to make potions, but the problem was that Draco enjoyed making potions so that wouldn't be a punishment for him.

Harry had to think fast what he could do because Draco was due to arrive at any moment. Even forcing Draco to write an essay about some tedious subject didn't seem a fit punishment for what Draco had said to Ron. It was unforgivable what Draco had said, but Harry wanted to make it up to this Ron somehow. This Ron was different from the Ron in the other universe. This Ron was someone he had been great friends with and Ron had proven why when he had pointed out several telling things about Draco, things that Harry had conveniently forgotten about Draco.

Despite the fact that Draco had been his best friend over there, that didn't mean that this Draco was the Draco that he had grown to love like a brother. This Draco wasn't the same and it would do him good to remember that. That meant despite Draco showing extraordinary potential with potions, he needed to remember not to treat Draco any differently.

It was hard, especially hard knowing the type of friendship that he could have with this Draco if only… Draco was like the Draco he had known. Harry was lost in thought when he heard the portrait ushering in the detention-bound Draco. Knowing that he had to be stern, he put on a frown that he remembered he hated seeing on his lover's face and he mimicked the voice that he cringed at hearing, "Sit down, Malfoy."

He saw Draco gulp nervously, that was good. That was very good because he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep up this stern and rigid façade up. How Sev had done it, he only wished he had managed to pick up. He did have a somewhat decent scowling face, Sev had told him. Not that, he thought with wry amusement, that it ever worked that well since Hana had always managed to wrap him around her finger with only a whimper. And Draco certainly _was not_ going to get the upper hand on him.

"You know how I feel about inter-house prejudices," Harry began with all the severity he could imbue into his voice, "and you know I will not tolerate that from my apprentice. What you do reflects upon me and I will not stand for that sort of behavior from you, do you understand me?" Draco nodded stiffly. "For detention, you will be… first apologizing to Ron Weasley and then you will assist him in any of his homework that he has problems in for the next month in medimagic. And even if he doesn't have problems, I expect you to check over his essays and such as you are the best in the class and he is the worse. You are dismissed."

Draco seemed like he wanted to say something, but when he opened his mouth he quickly closed it as if knowing that whatever complaints he would have had would only make the situation worse. Harry was glad to see that little bit of sense in him. If Draco had spoken, Harry feared what would have come out of his mouth. He would either have exploded at Draco for being so unlike the Draco he had known or he would have cried out his disappointment in Draco not being like the Draco he knew. Either way, either of what he wanted to say would have been bad.

"You are dismissed, Draco Malfoy, and don't forget to apologize to somewhere to Ron Weasley where it's public enough that it'll get back to me."

With nothing left to do but to try to make a graceful disappearance, Draco left. Harry sighed and leaned back into his chair. Oh good lord, he had done it this time. He had done it this time, if Draco apologized to Ron then he would have done the impossible. Even in the other universe, Ron or Draco would never have apologized to each other. If Draco did this, then Harry might see some of the Draco that he had grown to love as friend and brother.

If not… what would he do then? He'd have to live with this Draco as his apprentice for the next few years and try to knock it into that stubborn skull that having a rigid and narrow mind was not beneficial for anyone. Good Merlin that was going to be a challenge to do. A challenge that he wasn't sure that he was ready to take a handle on, but that didn't seem to matter did it? He still had to, and was going to no matter how difficult it was. Draco would be _enlightened_.

-

He ought to be grading shoddy potion essays from substandard students that would never in a million years make decent potion makers. That's what he ought to be doing, but of course he wasn't doing that was he? Instead he was staring at the wall, wasting valuable time, thinking about the question that Sebastian had posed to Albus… would having another spy really do much good?

While it probably would help to have another person verify information, there wasn't really much a secondary spy could do. Severus highly doubted that even as strong as Sebastian was, that Voldemort would entrust much to a newly initiated Death Eater that he didn't entrust in an old member of the regime. If anything, it would put another person into that much more danger for little gain. If it were him, he would tell Sebastian to tell Albus to fuck off.

Of course, part of him was feeling rather protective of Sebastian because face it… Severus wanted him as something more than as a friend. For him to feel such _romantic-like_ emotions was unlike him. He wasn't the type that fell for anyone hard, but there was something about Sebastian that made him yearn for a deep relationship that went beyond anything he had ever experienced before. It was strange; it was like they were meant to be. But it was silly and the stuff of dreams, not reality.

Severus sighed and dipped his quill into the scarlet red ink that he used to grade his students' papers. He really ought to get back to this. He really shouldn't think anymore about Sebastian Biggerstaff, even if he would like nothing more to do than to muse about the vibrant younger man. The only thing better than thinking about Sebastian was actually to have a conversation with him, and it proved to be quite stimulating as well as thought provoking. Bloody hell, he really did need to focus on the work that he needed to get done and not how much he like to see Sebastian naked and shuddering at the point of release…

His fingers clenched into a fist around his quill and he attacked a poor Ravenclaw's essay with unnecessary vehemence. He didn't recall one word that he read other than that the essay hadn't been that bad, but if he had been in a better mood he probably would have given it better than a P. It probably deserved an A, but oh well he wasn't in a good mood and if he wasn't then others could pay. After all, wasn't he renowned for being an unfair git? Why change?

-

There was something off about Draco, but what Harry didn't quite know. It wasn't unusual for Draco to stare at him, for he knew that the other Draco had found him attractive so why not this Draco? What was disturbing was that Harry didn't think it was only in admiration of his beauty that Draco was staring at him, he was certain that there was a purpose behind it but what? And why did it need such earnest staring?

Harry knew that there had to be a reason, but he didn't think it was a spell because you needed to be chanting even if it was underneath your breath and Draco wasn't moving his lips. So what was it? Harry blinked when he caught Draco's eyes and felt a pull, as subtle as it was and for a moment he wanted to move closer to Draco but why did he want to? This wasn't Imperius, but he felt the compulsion along those lines but it wasn't something he didn't want.

But still, his body screamed _no._ He pulled his eyes away and the feeling of being drawn to Draco faded. It was weird, and he was sure that it wasn't a spell but what else could it be if it wasn't a spell? There was nothing else that he knew that could do that and not be some kind of spell. However, evidence was against him in making that conclusion. Draco wasn't chanting and his lips weren't moving. The only thing that somewhat resembled spell-casting was that Draco wasn't blinking.

What was it then?

-

He had Sebastian's attention, Draco knew that. All the traces of his veela inheritance, most of which was what composed his blond beauty, he had used to enthrall Sebastian. Unfortunately, it hadn't worked as well as he had hoped it would work. Sebastian had been able to break away from the thrall before he had been enthralled. Draco was certain that he had done it right because he had tested it on some of his fellow Slytherins, ones that he were certain weren't attracted to him because they were of the straight orientation and they had fallen for it.

It figured that Sebastian would have a strong will that could _resist_. After all, Draco could feel how Sebastian was and he was much stronger than even his father, Lucius. There weren't many wizards that Draco knew that were stronger than Lucius. It probably hadn't helped that his veela blood was more diluted than his father's or that Sebastian was such a strong wizard in trying to enthrall him. But damn it how was he supposed to seduce Sebastian if he couldn't enthrall him?

He didn't think that Sebastian was the type to fall in for the typical Malfoy charms, especially when Draco was a student and it was decidedly improper. While Sebastian didn't seem as straitlaced as Professor McGonagall, he didn't seem like someone that would deliberately break the boundaries between teacher and student. The only way he was going to seduce Sebastian was to overwhelm him with his veela thrall… but it didn't look like that was going to work.

There was always Plan B, but Draco really didn't want to rely on that because to try to enhance his veela thrall with an enhancing potion would mean having to dip into Severus's private stores. Even if he managed to get the ingredient without Severus knowing about it, eventually Severus would find out about it because Severus kept close tabs on all of his most important supplies. Considering the private store was his personal store, he definitely was going to find out sooner rather than later. It was possible Severus would find out in enough time to stop him.

Draco found it curious how well Severus, his godfather, seemed to get along with Sebastian. He wondered if he might have some competition from Severus for Sebastian's affections. Then again, he really couldn't imagine Severus being with anyone in a romantic way. His godfather and Sebastian? That was just a disturbing thought. It didn't seem right at all--- now him and Sebastian that would be perfection.

Then there was Plan C, and even though Draco didn't think it would work. He could try to go about it the traditional way and use his Malfoy charms, but the probably of that working didn't seem too good. As Draco had already considered earlier, Sebastian wasn't the type to delve into the forbidden type relationship of student and teacher. Actually there wasn't any Professor Draco could think of that would be so inclined, and he knew that his father wanted it to happen soon. However, if worse came to worse and he couldn't get his veela thrall to work or Plan B, well using his charms as Malfoy would have to do _after_ he graduated. When he was no longer a student, what would prevent their torrid future liaison? The answer was _nothing_.

-

"It's been a week," Voldemort said with a hissing and rasping voice, "and still I have yet to see this Professor of the Defense against the Dark Arts. Are you simply incompetent or have you decided that you should be taking your dear sweet time?"

Lucius had his head bowed down submissively, knowing better than to raise it when his Lord was obviously not in a good mood. Of course, Voldemort hadn't been in a good mood since he had gotten into his snake-like body. It was at times like these Lucius wondered why he even bothered to serve the wretched excuse for a wizard. True, Lucius did agree vehemently with Voldemort's beliefs but there was only so much he could stand of having to bow down to a half-blood even if Voldemort was _the_ heir to Slytherin.

"Professor Biggerstaff is a delicate case," Lucius murmured softly, "as we do not know where his true allegiances lie. He could be a pawn of Dumbledore's for all that we know, my Lord. I believe that we should proceed carefully. Let Draco do his job and he will do it to the best of his ability. That you can rest assure of. I have taught him how to enthrall the Professor and we'll see if he can do that. But you cannot overestimate his veela thrall as his blood is more diluted than mine as his powers are.

"Unlike a full veela, he cannot get a person to be so overcome with the desire for him that they will forget themselves and do whatever he asks. All he can do is try to persuade and well, even at that I don't know…"

"YOU DON'T KNOW?" Voldemort interrupted him mid-explanation with such an exclamation of force that Lucius felt it ring in his head as well as through his eardrums. "That is not good enough, Lucius. That is _by far_ not good enough. I expect more from you, and you will deliver it Lucius or else you **will** be punished in a way that you will find singularly unpleasant. You are dismissed Lucius. I don't want to see you again until you're going to _bring_ Sebastian Biggerstaff to me. Do you understand me?"

"I understand you perfectly, my Lord," Lucius said in a tone he thought would be submissive enough for him to escape without feeling an unforgivable coursing through his veins. Of course, he could have always misjudged and it seemed that he had…

"It is good that you understand and this is a taste of what awaits you should you fail Lucius… _crucio__!"_

-

"**I hate him**," Narcissa growled as she reached into the cabinet to withdraw a vial of powerful pain relieving for her beloved husband. "I don't understand why you grovel in front of his feet like you do. You should stop before he injures you permanently. You're lucky he only held you under that curse for only a shade over a minute. Any longer and who knows? You could end up like the Longbottoms."

"Cissy," he whispered softly, reaching out to clasp her hand to keep her from nervously trying to attend to him, "you worry too much." She snorted as if she believed one word that he was saying. "And even if you didn't worry as much as you do, you know there is no way that you can get out of the Dark Lord's Death Eaters unless you want _certain_ death for everyone that you love and I don't want that. He wasn't that bad before. You know I believe his principles, even if his tactics leave much to be desired. I don't think extermination is necessary but seclusion is and he used to be more reasonable before Harry Potter."

"He's insane," she whispered ferociously. "Harry Potter is gone and he hasn't gotten any better."

"He says he _feels _Harry Potter's presence still even though he sent him Merlin knows where," Lucius murmured. "And you don't like those filthy mudbloods anymore than I do. You know how they pollute our society and with every new one of them they risk our exposure to those bloody muggles. We cannot allow them and you know that the only way to get that is to support the Dark Lord."

"Yes, but that doesn't make me hate him any less," she uttered vehemently.

Lucius chuckled darkly and pulled his wife into his arms, kissing her lightly on the lips. "And how do you feel about Albus Dumbledore then?"

"I hate his mudblood loving soul even more," she hissed. "He's the reason that my sister is in Azkaban and the reason that my cousin is dead."

"Don't you think that the Dark Lord is the lesser of the two evils?" Lucius posed the question wryly, amused at his lioness of a wife. Narcissa was quite fierce when she wanted to be and was quite the tempestuous lady. She had also been _dead_ fond of her older sister, worshipping the ground that Bellatrix had walked on though she hadn't agreed with either of them for joining a half blood wizard that exemplified their ideals and was willing to put them into being. She thought it was hypocritical for purebloods to follow one that wasn't one of their own. "Just admit it."

"I'll admit it," she reluctantly allowed. "But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't prefer another way," she stated fiercely. "I wish there was another way. What I really wish was that there was _someone _else, someone better that isn't **him.**"

* * *

**Author's Note:** The same drill. Review and you'll get more ;). I hope the wait won't ever be this long ever again. At the most, it should only take you two week to get an update. One week for me to write this bloody thing and one week for my beta to beta the ruddy thing. But we've had problems, (it only took me 3 days to write this) but she had comp problems, so I went ahead and posted it. Hope that it's okay and my muse has sort of been exhausted recently so any feedback would be awesome. Thanks.

**Questions**: (1) The new veela theory… the thrall? Any opinions on how I might use this? (2) Severus's conclusion about Sebastian spying? (3) Lucius/Narcissa scene and Lucius's feelings about Voldemort?

Thanks to **Wing** (there will be more Ron/Draco antagonism later), Alicorn, **Chrysan** (More Snarry will be coming, must get thru the ruddy stuff first), Asha Dreamweaver, TigerBlak, Cory3, **Xiaou Nem** (You've got Draco down pretty well, but Draco really does means the thing he says... tradition or not), Ox King, **Colibi** (last one was actually a bit longer), Draconisdagger2000, **The angelic vampire** (write more will you....?), silversfall1 (nothing is ever certain with me), **Tracy Mintzmyer** (yes, all of a sudden there was a huge drought in my writing), Al, **Cassa-Andra** (The many different plotlines makes it difficult to keep straight what I'm doing at what point and I always wonder if everyone likes all the different stuff that going on or not), keebler-elmo, **Mayhem El-Diablo** (Snarry has already started, the tension's there, but there's the dilemma of Sev for Harry to work out), aryth, Resggal, KNW, **Robbly** (I love the answers), Mynona (reviews always help me write the next chapter, so it works both ways), gina87, NadiaLT, Shuki - aka Quickjewel, **darkess-knight** (there will be no Her/Draco in this 'verse), **Xyverz** (Yes the dilemma of the marks, and I'm glad you realize there's a Slytherin mark on his back and NOT a DE mark, many have forgotten the distinction), **deliolith** (Severus is emotional b/c he read the letter from himself that tells him that he knows he can trust Sebastian b/c his own FUTURE self did and that's what makes the difference, he feels he can let some barriers down, I guess), **Dius Corvus** (AU Draco has more pressure from Voldemort than this one, I suppose), Winnie2, Alyce of the Togas, athenakitty, Lindiel Eryn, Menecarkawan, **Irin** (and my exhausted muse thanks you soooo much for the review. I actually really considered your input before settling on what to do for this chapter. Thanks.), TJ, **kathy stggvk** (snarry will happen, eventually), C.M. Aeris Queen of Insanity.


	8. The Aphrodisiac

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING  
**By Yih

Unbeta'd, read at your own risk.

8: **The Aphrodisiac**

HE DECIDED NOT to apologize. He needed more detentions with Sebastian. The thrall, he knew, would work better over time and over more exposure. He could feel the Professor weakening a little. It still wasn't happening fast enough for Draco's taste, but then again Sebastian was an unusually strong wizard. He needed an enhancing potion, but he didn't have enough confidence in his potion brewing abilities to make the best one that wouldn't interfere with his other bodily functions. Instead, he decided to use an aphrodisiac. Those were easily acquired. All he had to do was owl for one from his father.

He did. Lucius didn't ask questions. He knew his father knew that he was trying his best. He also knew that his father would figure out his plan without him having to outline it. It was a relatively simple plan. All Draco knew was he had to get Sebastian to give him something to drink and get Sebastian to drink something as well. Then slip the aphrodisiac into the drink and focus his thrall on his Professor as best as he could until the potion kicked in. After that, well, he would be irresistible to Professor Biggerstaff.

"Draco," he heard Sebastian snap his name out with a very displeased tone, "you have not apologized to Weasley yet. Did I not make it clear to you that you should apologize to him? I had thought you were going to do it this afternoon, but instead you proceeded to insult him again. Do you want to incur my wrath to the point I seriously reconsidering taking you up as my apprentice?"

Draco froze and then started to blink wildly. He hadn't even thought that he would be in danger of losing his apprenticeship with Sebastian. He would have to be very careful with whatever he did. In his right pocket, he clutched the vial of the power and quite illegal aphrodisiac that he had. If he used this, would Sebastian hold it against him? He didn't know. He didn't think so, especially when Sebastian was more prone to think it would be his fault. Right? Hopefully. It was taking a huge risk, but if he didn't--- his father wouldn't be pleased and neither would, he cringed mentally, the Dark Lord.

He didn't have a choice. "I'm sorry," Draco apologized. "It's just hard to apologize to Weas-ley when he's being such a foolish prat of a Gryffindor."

"And you aren't being a prat as well?" Sebastian countered.

Draco flushed a light red. "I do realize that I have a tendency to be arrogant and…"

Sebastian chuckled lightly. "At least you admit it, D---," he cut himself off abruptly for some reason that Draco didn't understand. Who was the D---someone that Professor Biggerstaff had almost been about to talk about? Sebastian cleared his throat and remarked instead, "It is well done of you to admit that you are arrogant. Perhaps, things will work out better once you get more tolerant of other houses. I will endeavor to get you used to that."

Draco inwardly sighed. He had no wish to get along with people from other houses, but if that was what Sebastian wished--- he really didn't have much of a choice, like he didn't have much of a choice regarding whether or not to seduce Sebastian. He had to, and he had to get the aphrodisiac into Sebastian's coffee mug somehow. He needed a distraction, some plan that would get Sebastian to leave. Perhaps, getting him something to drink? Coughing lightly, he tried to make it sound like he had inadvertently choked on something. "I…" he gasped and started choking harder.

"Do you need some water?"

"That would be…" he croaked, "good."

As Draco knew that he would, Sebastian got up from where he was seated and went to another room to get something to drink. Taking the vial out, he slipped all the aphrodisiac into Sebastian's mug. He had read the instructions that his father had given him, that the vial was enough for a few attempts. But the instructions had also said that the larger the dose, the stronger the lust would be. Well, he didn't care if Sebastian ravished his body as long as Sebastian did the ravishing.

Just thinking about those lips on his and his tongue dueling with his was enough to make Draco's knees weak. If he weren't sitting down, he thought he'd sink into a puddle on the ground. It would be a delicious puddle though, Draco decided, licking his lips with anticipation. He wondered how fast the potion would react. His father said the reaction should be swift, but what if it wasn't fast enough? What if he left the room before it activated?

He would just have to make sure that didn't happen.

Concentrating hard on sensing the thrall that he knew was his to command at will, Draco push it out all over his body, swamping his body with all the power that he possessed. It wasn't much compared to a full veela or even a half veela but it was still more of a magnetic attraction than a mere wizard could manage. Combining that with a lust potion was sure to make his plan of seducing Sebastian Biggerstaff an enormous success.

"I don't have any water," Sebastian remarked apologetically, "but I did find some tea. Would that be all right?"

"That'll be fine," Draco remarked, remembering to keep the hoarse note in his voice even though it was hard pretending that his throat was dry and scratchy when he was positively salivating in anticipation of what was to come. "Thank… you," he managed to let out as he drank steadily from the offered drink.

"You're welcome," Sebastian stated smoothly, sitting back down. "Now, do I have your word that you will apologize to Mr. Weasley in a satisfactory manner that befits the etiquette that the Malfoy heir is taught?"

He still wasn't drinking the lust-inducing drink. Draco narrowed his eyes slightly. From the direction of the conversation, he knew he needed to buy a little time. Sebastian had to at least drink the potion and then he needed a few minutes for it to kick in. "Must I?" he mumbled, trying to sound as reluctant as possible. If the Professor thought he had to coax him, then perhaps that would buy him the time that he needed.

The gaze Sebastian shot him was enough to send a tingle down Draco's spine. It was that intense. Thank Merlin that Sebastian's eyes were looking into his, his thrall worked best when someone was staring into his eyes and with his powers on full blast, he might subconsciously manage to convince him to drink the aphrodisiac.

_Drink it, _he thought with all the power he had behind that thought. _Drink it, Sebastian._

Sebastian's hand was moving toward his mug, but instead of gripping it and bringing it to his delicious lips his fingers lingered over the rim of it as his eyes managed to break contact with Draco's. Even though Draco had been trying to hold his gaze while using his thrall to persuade Sebastian to do what his will wanted him to do. This unexpected rebuttal was a frustration and an allure all at the same time.

"Draco?"

"Yes?" he muttered, his thoughts totally absorbed into getting Sebastian to do what he wanted that he had no idea what Sebastian was trying to ask of him.

"Did you hear what I said?"

It was that that made Draco try to focus on the conversation at hand rather than concentrating on getting the lust drink into Sebastian so that he might get the ride of his life. He finally, after thinking about it carefully, what his Professor was asking of him. As much as he would have liked to say _no_, he knew that he had no real option on what his answer would be. "Yes, I heard what you said," he responded calmly and without any overt emotion.

"And?"

He wanted to say that he _supposed he had to apologize _but he had the distinct feeling that even though Ron Weasley was far from Professor Biggerstaff's favorite student that would tick the absolutely fair wizard off. "I'll apologize," he muttered, not sounding enthusiastic but not sounding too reluctant either. He knew that if he sounded too much either way, it would have displeased Sebastian and he definitely didn't want that. What he did want was for his bloody Professor to drink the bloody drink.

"I'll apologize to Weasley."

"Good," Sebastian murmured, smiling enough that it caused Draco's breath to hitch. God, his professor was devastating when he smiled even if it was only a little. Did Sebastian Biggerstaff know how attractive he was? Maybe he didn't, but Draco sure as hell knew. And his mind did a mental shout of joy when he saw Sebastian grasp the mug and lift it up to take a drink of whatever he was drinking.

Draco saw Sebastian hesitate as he took up the mug. It looked for an instant that his Professor wasn't going to drink the drink. How had Sebastian known? The aphrodisiac didn't have a known smell and while it might have a faint flavor, Draco was betting that whatever Sebastian was drinking had a strong enough flavor to hide it enough that he had drunk too much of it to resist his thrall any longer.

He sighed with relief as Sebastian started drinking the drink that would bring him into a swirl of ridiculously overwhelming lust. It wouldn't take long, Draco thought, before Professor Biggerstaff would be fucking him good and hard. Not long at… he almost let out a cry of frustration when Sebastian stopped drinking the amber liquid and set down the mug after only taking what could be called a long sip.

Draco knew that wasn't enough, not nearly enough to set Sebastian's sex drive into overcharge. Well, he didn't think it was. He had used the entire vial and it _might _be enough, but somehow he doubted it. Especially since looking into those beautiful blue eyes, he didn't see the faintest bit of clouded passion that should be in them. There was absolutely no lust and his thrall was on full blast. It was very disappointing.

"Now, as much as I would like to continue talking with you," Sebastian murmured, "I do have a lot of work to do, Draco."

Draco felt his spirits sinking into a bottomless pit. He has used the entire aphrodisiac and nothing had come from it. He would have to try again and try another plan. This was not good, not good at all. But what else could he do? Nothing.

"Good day then, Professor."  
  
"Good day, Draco."

* * *

HARRY RESTED HIS head on the desk. That was close. There was something about this Draco that was different from the other Draco. Then again, there was much that Draco said he _couldn't _tell him. Some sort of matter about family blood magic that was reserved only for the Malfoy and Black family that he had learned. He had always wondered if there was Potter blood magic, but as he was the last of his line and as such magic as the other Draco had told him was passed by word of mouth through the generations--- it had been lost when his father had fallen.

He had wanted to rip Draco's clothes off and fuck him through the floorboards. It had only been with the control that made him an excellent mediwizard and duelist that he had managed to rein in the animalistic desire. It seemed off to him for him to be the aggressor because he had never really enjoyed being the dominant one. Though he had occasionally experimented topping with his Sev, he had always enjoyed bottoming more.

He knew it wasn't only the lust potion he had tasted in his tea, but also the seduction magic that Draco had been using. He had known that even in the other world, Draco had wanted him, but he had never thought that this Draco would have. It was unexpected, but not that surprising considering the attraction seemed to carry over from dimension to dimension. But his balls hurt. He had a raging hard on and he needed fulfillment. And he didn't think his hand was going to get the job done.

He was burning.

He needed someone, anyone.

"Who's there?" He sounded irritated. It didn't stop _his_ desire. "I'm not going to ask this again," he growled, "who's there?" God, he sounded so much like Sev that Harry felt his impossible level of desire double even further. It had been a year since he had last seen his lover and he ached furiously for even the touch of one that wasn't quite Sev. "Who… Sebastian?"

Severus looked shocked to see him. Harry could appreciate that surprise because reflected from those dark orbs were his flushed and lust filled eyes. He looked like he needed to be shagged, and he did. He needed to be fucked desperately. He was almost half insane with lust. How he had managed to get himself down to the dungeons without running into any students was a feat in itself. He was here now, and part of him was yelling at his betrayal to Sev and another part of him just couldn't turn away. Who else did have to turn to? He trusted Severus explicitly.

"What… do you want?" Severus finally managed to ask.

To hear Severus ask him what he wanted ended whatever control he had left. "I _want _you."

"Excuse me?"

Severus was definitely surprised, shocked, and staggered. It was a range of emotion that Harry had rarely seen in Sev, actually he was pretty sure he hadn't. But he couldn't really think clear now, what with a powerful and potent lust potion pulsing through his veins. All he could really think about was sex, sex, and more sex. He felt like a horny irrational teenager again. But he didn't think he'd ever felt this horny before. It was completely unnatural. "I **need** you."

Having said that, Harry decided with his lust filled mind that it wouldn't do to let Severus say anything that might indicate that he would be averse to fulfilling _his _needs, so leaning over the desk he kissed Severus in a thorough matter. He decided that if the words weren't convincing enough or the wild look in his eyes, then kissing would certainly get the point across that he was serious with his want _and _his need.

If this Severus was anything like the Sev he knew, he knew exactly what would drive Severus up the wall and into bed without too many protesting problems. A small part of him screamed that this was wrong, that he was taking unfair advantage of Severus and even worse he was cheating on Sev, but most of him was screaming for him to seduce Severus until he couldn't put together a rational thought.

Diving his tongue into Severus's mouth, he immediately sighed at the familiar taste of the minty cleanser that both Severuses seemed to be fond of using. It was heady, tasting Sev… Severus. He had to consciously remind himself that it was Severus that he was kissing and not Sev. But it was hard when Sev… Severus was responding to the touch that used to drive Sev wild with the same earnest response. It was sweet to feel Severus moaning in a soft guttural sound that was utterly sexy.

He couldn't get enough of Severus. There was no comparing Draco to Severus… or Sev. There was simply no comparison. If he had to have a choice of whom to bed, it would be Severus without a conscious thought. There was no one that caused the blood to drain to his cock faster than just thinking about Severus in a compromising situation. Merlin, he could feel those long and skillful fingers of Severus going to work and what work they did.

How ever had his clothes and robes come off? When had he lost the upperhand? When had his back been rammed against the walls? When had his legs been wrapped around Severus's waist with the abandon of a wanton whore? When had his fingers stopped caressing through clothes and started stroking silky skin? Harry didn't know, but he didn't care. All he cared about was getting more, of feeling more, of satisfying his insatiable lust.

At the back of his head, he did know that Severus had to know that there was something dramatically wrong with him. Did that mean that Severus was taking advantage of the situation then? After all, it wasn't like Harry could refuse his continued advances. Or was it he, himself that was taking advantage of Severus by driving the older man into such passion that the Potions Master couldn't refuse him? Whatever the case, which Harry didn't really care about because it didn't matter, what mattered was that Severus had to want him. There was no reason for Severus to give into desire because it was there if he didn't want him.

_Severus__ wanted him_.

_194 words have been cut out for Restrictive Rating reasons. Read Author's Note._

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thanks for staying with me on this story. I'm eventually going to finish in one way or another, though it might take some time. I think I'm going to take a break from this for a while (unless reviews suddenly inspire me to write more). I'd rather not write anything that I wasn't into because I don't tend to do my best when I feel like it's work instead of a pleasure. If you leave your email in the body of your review (signed reviews w/o emails don't work), I will notify you when I post the full chapter up and where. I don't know where I'm going to put it yet. 

**Questions:** (1) Surprise that it wasn't Draco? (2) How did you like the whole Severus taking advantage of Harry? (3) Muah.

Thanks to KO, F.H. Groves, anonymous, Shea Loner, Sir/Lady Lupin, lily, **Irin** (yes, it's hard for Draco to keep the thrall up. I like how I've done the LM/NM relationship), **Grinners** (I think I've made this too complicated), **Alicorn1** (well, veelas tend have attraction on until they find their mate and their mate controls it, but in this I have the veelas being able to control who they specifically want to attract), gwesntarr, **GKX-6** (cool, that you're a guy ;p), **Alucardou** (thanks for the recs), **Ruth** (I love the L/N 'ship I'm doing in this), C.M. Aeris Queen of Insanity, **Rachel** (yeah, and I think the fact I went into so much detail in the first two is sapping my energy for the real reason I wrote it, but oh well the first two were pretty darn good, right? V and H haven't met yet, and it's not like V is going to have H in bed to see the mark.), lalaluu, Shuki, **TigerBlak** (YES!), KrondorsAngel, Eternal Cosmos, **Jen** (your theories are well thought out), **lyress** (this time it was two months, I apologize), henriette, Heston, **Asitha** (I think it's too convoluted and I'm no where near tying up the loose ends), athenakitty, minathia, **agge** (oh god, I don't even know what I think about the origins of Lily/Harry/James anymore to the Slytherin questions, I've written too many stories haha), Ox King, **Menecarkawan** (Thanks on N), keebler-elmo, Cydah, **Kathy stgqvk** (what makes you think R/D?), **Scribbles from a Fountain Pen** (you're right it was a plot pusher, and this is a plot maker?), **Xiaou**** Nem** (I doubt L would be in to seducing H for the N factor, power is a strong counter and for argument, heh who is the someone else?),** Dius Corvus **(V won't be interested in H in that way.), Mayhem El-Diablo, deliolith, sabriel.


	9. The Aftermath

**HARRY POTTER AND THE PARADOX OF BEING**

By Yih

Unbeta'd, read at your own risk.

9: **The Aftermath**

The morning after was the worst, Harry decided, even though he'd never had any mornings after and this was in fact his first. He had never slept with anyone other than his Sev and this was a very real betrayal even if it was still with a Severus Snape. No matter at what angle he looked at it; he might have slept with a Severus Snape, but it still didn't make that Severus his Sev. He was a cheater.

"You look pensive."

Harry felt Severus's arms around his waist. His Sev had been very touchy in bed, though quite the anti-touch person out of it. It seemed that this Severus wasn't any different, which made it all that much harder to separate the two of them in his head. It didn't help either that Severus didn't know the moral dilemma that was plaguing his mind. How could he tell Severus that they couldn't have a relationship because he couldn't cheat on his Sev? Especially when he had already told Severus that they had had a relationship and that his future self had said that he loved him?

And what's more, Severus had loved him as _Harry_.

"Do you regret last night?"

And so the question was asked. It had been hovering at the edges of Harry's mind, but he hadn't actually come out and said the direct words. It was easier not to have to think about that as long as he didn't name it. Instead, he'd been playing with the moral dilemma in his head. No matter how he looked at it, he had cheated on Sev. The problem was that he didn't regret doing it. He felt guilty, but that didn't mean he would have gone back and not done it.

Though, it wasn't as if he could have stopped himself either. He had recognized the lust potion that he'd been given. It had been abnormally strong, strong enough to break his iron will and cause him to seek out the physical release that he needed. It was just lucky for him he had enough steel resolve not to succumb to the temptation that Draco to be.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian, yes, he was Sebastian… Sebastian Biggerstaff. How could he forget that? He wasn't Harry Potter here, and even though the future Severus had helped him get back and had seemed to love him… this present Severus didn't and that made this Severus not too terribly different from his Sev. Neither of them had the prejudice against him, and if anything both of them had been willing to see the good side to him.

"Say something."

"I don't regret it."

He felt thin lips press against the back of his neck. "Good," Severus murmured, his hands reaching around to stroke Harry's flat stomach, "because even though I took advantage of the situation, I don't feel the least bit guilty."

Severus's hand drifted further and Harry stopped thinking.

-

"He failed."

Narcissa's beautiful face was striking even when it was fraught with worry. She knew that Lucius had been waiting all night for Draco's owl to come and confirm or not whether the potion and the thrall had worked. The fact that it had not, that Draco had not slept with his Professor wasn't good. That meant Draco hadn't weaved the veela sexual bonding, which would have tied the Professor to his side in a way that would make the powerful wizard amendable to his will. Even though Sebastian Biggerstaff was a strong wizard, a veela exerted a considerable amount of power over his mate though Biggerstaff would have been protected by Draco to the death. It was a small give and take, something that she had accepted when she had been tumbled into the bed by Lucius on their wedding night.

Lucius wielded quite a bit of power over her, but she knew that her beloved would never harm her and in most circumstances because of his overwhelming love for her… would do anything to make her happy and he knew that she hated it when he was too controlling. Possibly, it might have been the same way for Draco with Biggerstaff… _like father like son_, after all. Unfortunately, that was not to be.

"We must hide this for as long as possible," Narcissa murmured. "You cannot let the snake-face know about this, this is not good for either you or Draco." She turned her husband's face to her until she could meet him dead on, eye to eye. She knew it was hard for Lucius to deny anything she asked for even though he was technically the dominant one in the relationship. "Especially you, Hogwarts will keep Draco say as it is the safest place in Britain because of Dumbledore but I worry about you."

Lucius bent his head down and brushed a kiss against her temple. "Don't worry, I will be careful and you know that I will protect our son for as long as I can. I can only hope that he will not…" His face twisted with pain as he fell to his knees clutching his arm. Everything in him screamed of agony as he uttered what she already knew, "He's calling."

Her eyes were wide and frightened. "Then you must go."

"Maybe… he won't ask."

"Maybe," she whispered and smiled sadly. "You need to go." He nodded and stood up, cradling his arm close to his side. "Lucius?" He turned around and she stared lovingly at his beautiful face. "I love you."

"I love you more." He _apparated_away.

-

"You bring me nothing," Voldemort whispered, and he only needed to whisper because there was such a mad fury in his expression that he didn't need a vocal representation. Lucius only hoped that the only punishment that he'd receive was Cruciatus, but if he wasn't lucky he'd receive others that were more obscure and no less painful. At least with the painful Unforgivable, there were no physical impairments. "_Absolutely _**nothing**. I thought I told you that _when _I saw you next, I expected you to bring me Biggerstaff's allegiance?"

"My lord," Lucius kept his forehead pressed into the cold ground, "Draco did his best, but he was unable to lure Sebastian Biggerstaff into his bed and seduce him. But I believe that my son is getting closer to him, he said that Sebastian was powerfully tempted but has such a strong will that he was able to send Draco away. Don't you want someone with that kind of power on our side?"

"Of course I do!" Voldemort exclaimed, his eyes blazing a deep crimson. "And you are a fool to think that Sebastian Biggerstaff will let your son anywhere near him again when that potion attempt failed. If Draco had merely used his thrall, then maybe it wouldn't have set Biggerstaff's suspicions off, but they have been. Now I doubt that Biggerstaff will trust Draco anymore and if he will not trust Draco… I don't have much need for him as a servant, do I?"

Lucius felt a cold chill of panic race down his spine. Voldemort had to be out of his mind to be threatening Lucius's family, Lucius tried to rationalize. The Dark Lord knew that there was nothing more important to Lucius than his family and to threaten his family would be the very thing to have his loyal servant to turn his back on him. Lucius might be a dark wizard, but he didn't have to be a dark wizard for a madman who was going to hurt his son, his _precious _dragon.

"At least at Hogwarts, his purpose has failed," Voldemort murmured, his voice taking on an almost amused edge that hinted at his tenuous grasp on sanity. "I suppose his apprenticeship is in jeopardy with Biggerstaff as well, what a pity. I would have liked to use kinder means to sway him to my side but I suppose since that didn't work… force will have to be used."

"If you wish it," Lucius responded, "it will be done."

"I wish it, but **first**…" Voldemort raised his wand, "_you must be punished_…"

-

He stumbled and then he fell to his knees. Lucius could hear Narcissa's strangled cry when she saw him. He could only imagine what she was seeing. He couldn't see a thing. Everything that he was feeling was making his vision blur in a distortion that was overwhelming pain. While Cruciatus was bad, what Voldemort had done to him this time was physically bad. Cruciatus was a pain spell that could mentally impair but it didn't cause physical damage that was life threatening. The punishment that Voldemort had inflicted this time had.

"WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME DID THAT SONOFABITCH DO TO YOU?"

His beloved was furious, and he told himself to concentrate, concentrate hard on her so that he wouldn't pass out because it simply wouldn't do for a Malfoy to faint. It was unseemly. Besides the fact that he had never fainted in his life, and he wasn't about to start fainting now. Her blue eyes were swirling and all he wanted to do was drown in them and forget all the pain. He knew that she was casting some healing spell, but he wasn't feeling any alleviation of the pain. He was only feeling worse.

"Lucius… Lucius… do you hear me?"

His eyes rolled back into his head and he tried to find his tongue to find a way to answer her. It was getting harder and harder to stay focus on staying conscious. It was a battle he was sadly losing and he didn't like this. Damn Voldemort.

"Lucius..." Narcissa was shaking him, he knew, trying to jolt him to look at her and Merlin knew _he was trying._ "What did he do to you?" He struggled to open his eyes. "LUCIUS AUGUSTUS MALFOY, OPEN YOUR BLOODY EYES." He opened them and saw her distress and hated himself for causing her anything that wasn't happiness. "What curses did he use?"

He opened his mouth but the words died in the back of his throat when he felt a strange otherness feeling pass over him as he felt something tug his soul away.

-

Loud, unbearable knocking was what roused Severus and Harry from the sleep their bodies craved from the long, satisfying sexual activities they had indulged in. Severus was the first one that jerked his body into a sitting position, and he glared at the door with all the anger someone that had just had some amazing sex could muster. "Infernal idiots," Severus muttered. "It's probably a student."

Harry smiled sympathetically and quickly rolled out of the bed, briskly starting to pull his hastily shucked clothes on. "You'd best deal with it, even if it is a Saturday morning," Harry murmured. "I know that you might think your students are blithering fools, but you _do _care about them." Harry was positive of this, he knew Sev was this way and Severus was only different in loyalties than the Sev he'd known. He just had an odd way of showing it.

Severus growled, but didn't bother denying it. "Stay in here and I'll try to get rid of the dunderhead as soon as I can so you can leave from here. Unfortunately, I've only connected the fireplace in my main room to the Hogwarts floo network. But…"

"I understand," Harry murmured. "I can feel the wards you have on your bedroom, you know. I think it has to be some of the strongest warding magic at Hogwarts besides Albus's, of course. And I'd think that even Albus would have problems getting past yours."

Severus smirked and Harry knew how to read that smirk. It still surprised Harry how many of Sev's outside of the classroom expressions Severus shared. It really reinforced how they were the same person, and yet they weren't. He still had this feeling that even though they physically and a good deal emotionally and spiritually the same person, they weren't wholly the same person. There were some differences, like how this Severus was a willing spy for Albus.

But this Dumbledore was different.

Harry heard the wall sliding open to Severus's sitting room. He hadn't intended to listen in on the conversation, but there was no mistaking the distress in Minerva McGonagall's voice or the subject matter. It involved Lucius Malfoy. He had fond memories of the Malfoy family, though he had tried to remind himself that here this Lucius Malfoy had once attempted to kill him. But it was hard to forget how the Malfoys had welcomed him into their family when he'd been Draco's friend. To hear that Lucius Malfoy, even _this _Lucius Malfoy was potentially dying was distressful. Lucius Malfoy wasn't supposed to die, was he? Harry certainly hadn't seen his grave when his future self had shown him the possible future. But things had already started changing from what his future self had known. He had changed it by coming earlier.

_Every action must be answered._

"Sebastian?" Harry jerked his head toward the doorway where Severus was standing with an ominous expression. "I need your help."

"To brew a potion." He didn't bother trying to hide that he hadn't overheard the conversation. It wasn't as if they'd been shouting, but without the aid of silencing charms it hadn't been hard to hear what they'd been saying. And to pretend ignorance wasn't Harry's style, even if this Lucius Malfoy was potentially, from the one confrontation he'd had, an enemy. "I overheard."

Severus nodded curtly. "It requires two people to brew it properly, and we've got to get started now. Lucius doesn't have much time."

-

He added a phoenix tear and the potion was done. It had taken 3 hours to brew the potion. It usually took 5, but Severus had rushed through the steps that could be rushed as time was preciously ticking away. Of course, it helped having Sebastian by his side. Sebastian might not have been a Potions Master, but he was certainly gifted. Whoever his previous teacher had been deserved some props for teaching him. Without Sebastian, the preparation wouldn't have gone so fast no matter how hard he'd tried to rush it.

He wanted to finish the potion as fast as possible, but the time that it did take to brew gave him time to take in what Minerva had said. Minerva, Severus knew, did not like Lucius Malfoy. Minerva probably hated him, if it was in her to hate anyone. But even she looked distressed describing briefly the condition that Lucius Malfoy had been in when he'd been brought to Hogwarts by Narcissa.

_Why Hogwarts?,_ was the question that plagued Severus's mind. Everyone knew that St. Mungo's was the wizarding place to go to if you needed to be healed for anything. As it was, Madame Pomfrey had to call some discreet St. Mungo's specialists here to treat him, at least to keep him from out of death's clutches while this ridiculous difficult to brew yet horribly effective restoration potion was made. It was too bad Fawkes had just burned a day ago, or else he might have given Lucius some unrivaled phoenix healing. As it was, Lucius would have to settle for a phoenix tear… the last drop Severus had. The only answer Severus had as to why Narcissa had brought Lucius here was that Lucius wasn't going to be bowing down in front of Voldemort in loyalty anymore.

But Lucius was a devout servant of Voldemort, always had been and Severus had thought, always would be. And yet… Severus really didn't know what kind of condition Lucius was in. If it was serious enough that he was close to dying unless he was given this potion, then it was far closer to death than even Severus had come in moments of Voldemort's severe wrath. Then again, Voldemort was always careful not to damage him too much for the sake of appearances. Did Voldemort really think that Dumbledore didn't know that he was a Death Eater?

Must be so. Voldemort was getting crazier in his old age and his sharpness was declining too. Why Severus had ever wanted to join that madman was beyond him. But at one time, he concluded bitterly, he must have been foolish and young enough to fall for some stupid propaganda.

"Is it done?"

Severus grunted and started pouring the potion into a bottle. "Yes."

"We'd best get it to Poppy then," Sebastian murmured. "Lucius Malfoy is going to need this if his condition is as bad as they say it is."

Severus nodded. Something else was bothering him, something that in a way had something to do with Lucius Malfoy and in a way it didn't. What Severus didn't understand was why Sebastian was helping him to brew the potion to save Lucius Malfoy's life. It wasn't as if Lucius Malfoy had been his only childhood friend, as had been Severus's case. There was no reason for Sebastian to help, and yet here he was all because Severus had asked. "Why?"

"Why?" Sebastian repeated. "Why what?"

"Why are you helping?"

Sebastian smiled. "Because you asked." Severus had known that, but he was still surprised by the casual answer. It simply wasn't very Slytherin to offer help without getting anything in return. In some ways, Sebastian was frighteningly a Gryffindor--- _too _noble, but then again there was this uncanny instinct that he had that was entirely Slytherin.

"He's a Death Eater, you know."

Sebastian shrugged. "It doesn't mean he can't be reformed."

Strangely, that was the perfect answer. Severus hadn't known what answer he wanted to hear out of Sebastian, but that was it. There couldn't have been a better one. Even though Severus knew that Sebastian knew that he was a Death Eater and a **spy **at that, before that he had to have done it for reasons other than espionage. And he had been able to reform himself, but there were still quite a number of people that didn't believe it. What was nice was that Sebastian _did_.

"You certainly were."

-

**Author's Note:** Wow, I'm sorry this took so long. This was supposed to be out in mid-August, but I somehow didn't really start writing this until three days ago. I had a bit of writer's block. Actually, I had a large case of writer's block. I haven't really been writing much of anything and that certainly isn't helping my creative writing class. Also, I'm excruciatingly busy with school so I really don't have much time to write. I promise to write what I can. I'm either going to start working on the next Serpentine chapter or write something new. I'm not really sure which direction I want to go. Props off to whoever wants to direct my writing. Although, my muse is being notoriously difficult right now. But when she's on, she's fast isn't it? This chapter only took 3 days to write after all. I don't think it's that bad, it certainly gets the plot moving forward although I'm not too happy with the way it turned out stylistically. 

**Questions:** (1) So what do you think the HP/SS wake up scene? (2) The Lucius/Voldemort confrontation? (3) Lucius's injuries? (4) Narcissa's reaction? (5) SS/HP helping Lucius? (6) Will Lucius be reformed? Haha…. The big question… do you want him to be? _Reformed to a degree…_

Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! If it weren't for you, (also the NC-17 excerpt is available at my livejournal, you can find it at my personal archive), this chapter wouldn't be possible. Keep the feedback coming and I promise I'll keep writing. Toodles!


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